My Plans upon my Return to America

by Berhardt Goats, LLC (friends call me Behr)

Greetings. Soon I will find a sponsor to return to the abovegroundworld and influence politics directly. When this happens, when I find a sponsor (like being in AA you have to "appeal" to someone and I have not yet appealed to anyone on behalf of my baldness and my torn open abdomen from which I yanked out all my internal organs to prove medical science to be a hoax and ended up in Hades), I will do the following things:

1. All humans in the borders of the United States will be sealed inside through a series of "Trump walls" which will prevent anyone from not only coming in, but anyone from leaving. Everyone will then have their home visited by President Trump and he will judge you. His judgment will decide whether you get to work 16 hours a day, seven days a week, in a place where you will be caused to be covered with soot, grease, grime, oil, oher substances you cannot ever get out of your skin or hair. In "lieu" of this, you will be taken behind your home and shot. Weakling children will be taken to the "taunting camps" where they will be kept in a small cage with bars all around it, unable to move except to stand at attention while grown men and women with socialization issues yell taunts and insults and spit on them all day long. Great stuff. Wholesome, like hit television series The A-Team which was cancelled on accouont of liberalism in the fake news powered media from the deep state circuitry you cannot control except to rip out all the wires like a madman. Cheers to great president named Trump. Godly man. Perhaps the Catholic church will venerate him once control of the country is entrusted to immortals beings from Hades named Friend Behr, Joan Crawford, the Fnord, and Hansel from Hansel and Gretel (who has ideas).

2. Bondage is a word that will be re-introduced to the modern lexicon (Internet kiddie slang - I am hip to it). People will be free to talk about it behind closed doors. Intimacy will also remain behind closed doors. And ALL persons with piercings of ANY kind, except pretty girls and women who pass a contest to determine level of prettiness, will have them forcibly ripped out by ripped men in 1980s era muscle shirts with pictures of conversion vans on them, and then said person will be tossed into a fucking pit.

3. That includes nipple rings and shit you stuck in your penis. It was wrong of you to do this. Learn. The hard way. Soon it will be the ONLY way available to you. Everything will become so, so, so much harder in your life once you are forced to work for a living sixteen hours a day, seven days a week, in a physically taxing and grueling workplace with no safety regulations in place, where a co-worker dies at least once a month from a work related accident right in front of your eyes. And then maybe it is always really, really bloody and intense. Like a heavy object (many are kept suspended in the air above you in this workplace where anvils and shit are hung with weak rope from the 1940s) (usually from a battleship) so they are well worn and things happen when an anvil falls fifty feet right on some useless old fuck's head while he is carrying a load from one place to another.

4. Other subjects include making the following topics illegal: (1) Science (proven wrong many, many times), (2) History (needs to be rewritten from a better point of view), (3) Medicine of a scientific nature (weird shit will be allowed to continue involving electricity and really rusty nipple clamps), (4) Biology (all other life other than human must be killed within twenty years to prove our dominance to The Lord - there is no other way that makes sense to me personally). Soon, what I feel will be what you feel. We have been developing sonic energy weapons to use on your mind. Enough said. You get the point, goiter boy, (5) Leaving or entering the United States unless you have in excess of fifty billion dollars in financial holdings, if not, back to the work pits for you. Extra grime while be rubbed into your useless person skin while you are beaten for your insolence by muscle men in muscle shirts with pictures of Rick Springfield on them (topical).

5. The hunting of ALL animals including "beloved" pets will begin with haste. They have been allowed to challenge man's dominance for TOO LONG. Enough is enough. Kill them. Kill them all. Every species.

6. Force women to comply with all directives given by men, even those involving sex in an early 1970s era Esso station where your friend Behr once got locked inside their bathroom because of a bowel movement that tried to come out sideways. Uncomfortable. To say the least.

Other directives will follow. Please sponsor my return to the abovegroundworld. I will appear as a ghostly form to you and give you a disease when I climb on top of you in the night and enter you from behind.

My friends.