Your friend Behr (which is me) has seen a lot of crazy stuff in his day, including hippies. But last night I saw something that was really disturbing. The two children who have me as their prisoner are having a conversation with the hairless ass weasel. This is freaking me out (internet kiddie saying).

I am also a person familiar with the operations of various strategic command structures, which I learned from casual viewing of The History Channel while masturbating and conducting wildly amateurish medical experiments on people I have conquered in my neighborhood. As such I know the value of spying and "listening in" on private conversations. It is why I spend so much time in public rest rooms.

They are taking me to a place called "Kehlsteinhaus" which is somewhere to the south of us. This is good because it is January and cold as fuck out here in the woods of Bavaria. I can imagine how terrible it was for the German soldiers in the mid-1940s to fight in this weather against the invading Allied armies. I feel their suffering in my bones. Nasty, nasty invaders. Doughboys go home! Stay there! Keep out of the affairs of other countries, fucktards.

I am riled. I am very cold. Still only one shoe and wet sock. It might snow (conclusively proving global warming to be a hoax). It ain't warm out here people. Step away from your computer terminals for ten minutes and go outside. Too fucking cold out for there to be ANY kind of global warming EVER. People believe all sorts of crap. LOOK AT THE CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE!

Okay, fingers too cold to type. We are on the move again. One of the children invited the hairless ass weasel to join us. The other seems mad about it. I will play them all off each other and escape eventually. It is all about playing the politics. If you can't play the game, get out of the picture.

My friends.