I couldn’t start this nodeshell challenge and then NOT participate. How much of a wimp would that make me... And read Jurph's writeup before reading this one!

You couldn’t miss that big, black, shiny, cold metal helmet from where I was sitting. I knew, just knew... it was him when he came back in the bar for the second time. I remember when he picked her up the first time, how they chatted at the bar, made googly eyes at each other, she laughed at all his jokes, he bought her drink after drink. God it made me sick, to think all that time he was flirting with her just because he knew I was in the bar. I swear it was just to piss me off. So of course when I saw them leave together that first time, I just knew I had to do something about it. I certainly couldn’t have Darth banging her when I knew the whole time it was for nothing more than revenge. He certainly couldn’t have actually been interested in her. So when I sent my friend Bob over to Darth’s apartment to break that little nookie session up, it honestly was a harmless prank. I never knew it would get out of control like this. I mean, I knew he didn’t really want the Sith coming after him, but seriously, like chill out.

As soon as I saw him coming back to the bar years later I hid. Knowing he was out of control, the anger bottled up all those years. He knew she would still be at that same bar. He probably would have never imagined I would still be there, too. But I had waited, waited for his return, I needed to show up this girl, had to prove to Darth is was a mistake he ever looked at her the wrong way. So as he started going after everyone in the bar, I ran out to his TIE fighter and hid in the back seat. Knowing he would take that girl back to his place, I figured they would probably be too engrossed in each other to ever notice I was stashed back there. I never imagined that they could have sex in a TIE fighter, but I guess Darth’s customized model was more roomy than most, because I was wrong. Not a lot of room for them to maneuver around, but when I heard the slurping, and saw the bobbing, I just knew that Darth was getting his helmet polished.

So when they went back to the Imperial Destroyer and he took her back to his quarters, I was right behind. Followed them into his room and then hid behind the carbonite Hans Solo. God I had always hated that damn thing. It was so ugly. But It served it’s purpose well. Because the whole time they were bumping and grinding away, and as he chased her around with his silly light saber, I was able to just sit there and watch. Eventually after the 3 or 4 minutes it took for him to finish up, he had to kick her out of his quarters so that some of his lil peons could speak to him about some Jedis or something. And after they left… Bang. I confronted him. He admitted it was just for the sex. He knew that the other girl had screwed around a bit in her time, the Ewoks had talked under pressure. And I knew about her and that “Pope” fellow, too. But Darth just couldn’t help pursing her, she was that irresistible, especially when he was back at that same bar. It was just obvious that he had to kill all those space goons to impress her just so she would come back with him. Well as pissed as I was, it was easy to let it go. I knew she was history. I knew she had moved on. But still it irked me. So as I slid over to Darth and complimented his big, black helmet, I started pondering revenge. When Darth and I finally made it to his couch (the man is all thumbs I tell ya) and were in the midst of getting it on, I though what could be better than going after her past conquests and trying to get this Pope in bed. He surely would be a better lay than Darth...