I spent the evening at the Computer Weekly e-commerce awards. It's nice to go black tie, as I'm normally in jeans in the office, so I was pleased to get the invite. The idea of an evening of free alcohol also appealed.

It was awful. At a table with customers, which is fine. I can't deal well with people, but I make an effort. Then the sales force turn up, with the customers. Sales are already very drunk. I don't get introduced, my work ability gets questioned and I get insulted in front of the customer. As you can guess I stayed very sober. I have no idea how to face the customers now.

It's been a long time since I felt this lonely in a crowded room. Right now I just want to curl up and die. Life is getting more and more difficult to deal with. I wake, I work, I go home, I sleep. There must be more than this, but it's too hard to deal with people. Much too hard. I can't figure out what people want, what people need. So I end up being the butt of everyone's jokes. And there is no end in sight.

I can't cope with pubs, bars or clubs. I have no idea what to do right now.

The only redeaming factors for the evening was Bill Bailey as the entertainment, and the look on a girls face when I gave her my coat in the taxi queue. It almost made up for 5 hours of idiotic behaviour.