A good portion of today I have lost.

I don't know how I got from 2 pm to now; I can only piece together small bits from the items lying around.

The chips and salsa I remember eating while watching television. Nurse Jackie, now I remember I watched two episodes. There's an hour, right there. A plate with crumbs on it used to have two pieces of toast, which I ate while checking email. 10 minutes. At 7 I fell asleep and woke up at 9, but it's before 7 that I'm trying to remember. I listened to music, on my computer. I know I did so, but I don't really remember doing it. Anything before 2 seems to have happened yesterday and can only vaguely be remembered.

I know this happened after smoking pot, but it's never happened before. I've always been able to remember every detail if I wanted to. This was quite strange; even the small bits of time I remember were punctuated by mini-blackouts, such as walking up stairs and forgetting the steps I took. This is what weed is supposed to do, mess up your short term memory; the more you smoke the less "readable" the memories become until you are completely lost in the present and remember nothing of the experience. It feels like a waste, why do something if you won't be able to remember it?

I don't like not knowing how I got somewhere. I remember one time I was sitting on a bench, trying to warm my hands. I had on ice skates, and my hands were icy cold. I felt like I had just woken up, even though I was sitting up so that clearly wasn't the case. I had been skating earlier, I knew that much. Logically, I would think I had fallen, but I didn't remember falling. I didn't even know where the cutoff was between the last thing I remembered and the present. I didn't even know what the last thing I remembered was, I just guessed it had to have been skating. I had not even the slightest injury, it made no sense to me then (I was 7) nor does it now.

I don't understand the people that get up in the morning, get stoned, and then carry on with their day. Does it affect them that differently, so they can still function? Is it just like a beer or a cup of coffee to them? Even if I could carry on and act normal stoned, I still wouldn't do so daily. It's a great distraction, on the weekends perhaps, but it doesn't make for a daily companion.