The E2 Quest Lost Gems of Yesteryear has now been up and running
sufficiently long enough for the Google bots to crawl all over it. This has
caused a great deal of concern to some who've discovered my choice of nodes to support by doing web
The National Association for the Education of Young Children, that bastion
of political correctness, sent the following letter:
Dear Mr. Lewis:
We are particularly troubled by your acts condoning the works of actor
Our Bureau of Internet Appropriateness has discovered
that you've made many efforts to promote viewing of his work.
In particular, one troubling message which we construe as a threat
of violence against animals aids and abets your cause. We have sent
communication to the ASPCA to that effect and they have agreed to
How can you, in good conscience, condone web content which views the
career of a man who made his fortune frightening small children (as well
as adults) in a good light? Heaven forbid a small child reads the
piece about Mr. Karloff and then searches further, only to cast his/her
eyes on the awful visage of Karloff as Frankenstein's Monster!
A child could be scarred for life; or at the very least suffer troubling
nightmares after exposure to such material.
We insist, therefore, that you cease and desist the promotion of
such material or we will have no choice but to have our lawyers
intervene on our behalf.
Additionally, we suggest you remove your own piece about actress
Margaret Hamilton as she, of course, portrayed a witch in a very popular yet no longer appropriately viable movie which we are petitioning to have removed from the shelves,
as it too poses a threat to the mental well-being of children.
Now, if you are one of the legions of supporters of the NAEYC, I respect that.
However, in the name of freedom of speech I impel you not to let that influence
any voting or C!ing of the writeup mentioned hereinabove. In fact, your votes
for that writeup (and this one, in fact) are votes for our rights under The
Constitution of the United States of America
! So I hereby implore you, vote
for free speech
, mother, apple pie
and all things right and good about our
country. And, if you're not a U.S. citizen, certainly vote if only to support
freedom of the arts, and Mr. Karloff's many contributions thereto.
The nice, Christian people over at Conservapedia ("the trustworthy
encyclopedia") — the place to go for wholesome, family values-rich definitions
of English words — also were at issue with one of my choices:
Dear Mr. Lewis:
We at Conservapedia are outraged by your promotional efforts on
behalf of an article, "Normal is just a setting on a washing machine," written by one who is without a
doubt a true heathen. Indeed, there is no definition for the
word "normal" in our site as we are an encyclopedia, not a dictionary.
However, it must be assumed that the word "normal" be construed the way
it is in the Bible; e.g., normal marriage (in distinct contrast to the
efforts of the doomed-to-burn-in-hell homosexual population to
sanctify marriage between persons of the same gender).
The flippant suggestion that the importance of normalcy (e.g., a
good Christian lifestyle) be lowered in such a way as to suggest that
one's lifestyle decision is as simple as deciding whether one is washing
cottons or permanent press is one we find troubling, at least. You, Mr.
Lewis, can only be described as one of those Pagan miscreants whose
sole mission on earth is to accelerate the moral decay of life as we
know it. But be forewarned, such actions will not be taken lightly by
us, as we are already in communication with our attorneys, who are soon
to send you a cease and desist notice. Further, we warn you now, that by
going against all that God has deemed good and right you will be doomed
upon your death to spend an eternity in Hell, with a lake of fire burning your skin off again
and again for evermore.
Mr. Lewis, why not save yourself while you can? Remove your
unwholesome writings. Additionally, we can lead you toward a lifestyle
which ensures that upon your demise, you'll gain entrance to Heaven and
all the glories which abound there. For a donation of only $19.95, we will
send you informational pamphlets and your choice of a VHS video tape or
DVD of some of our favorite discussions on the topic of becoming a good,
moral Christian. Send check or money order to (address deleted for
privacy) or call 1-800-555-1212 and have your credit card number handy.
May Jesus be with you,
The real surprise came when a local mental health organization called me on the
telephone and asked if I was the one who was suggesting that people love their enemies. I asked the caller if they had indeed read the
article and they said, no, they had not.
They then quickly went on to ask if I had
ideations of harming myself or others, to which I responded "no."
Despite my protestations that the phrase is more of a moral metaphor, they insisted upon explaining that the concept of loving one's enemies could
potentially cause them to do me harm. Then to my utter astonishment, four nice gentlemen walked into my office
and strapped me down on a gurney, re-assuring me that everything would be
alright as soon as I stopped spouting lunacy from my keyboard. (I'm typing this
from the P.C. in an office I broke into at the hospital). Oh, I hear
someone approaching... gotta go,