When I opened my eyes I saw
the light, reflecting in
the mirror across from my bed. I had
sensed it there with
my eyes closed; it kept me
vigilant and
awake. I
crawled to the door and shoved the towel closer to
the space under the door then back into bed.
Breathing in-2-3-4.
The movie started again.
No. No. No. No.
Breathing out-2-3-4.
The hero returns to find
his girlfriend.
No. No. No! No! Breathing in-2-3-4!
He sees first the
writing in blood on the wall: “
Happy birthday, Jonathan.”
No. The
familiar nausea rose.
Then he sees
her body,
limp in the tub.
I started to
retch, throwing
open the door. The
light flooded into the bedroom.
Laura rolled over from
sleep.
I ran to the
bathroom, flipping up the
toilet lid in time. The
vomit poured out of me, splashing the
water up at my face. My face was red and watery.
Another stream of vomit.
“
Dad!”
Victoria called from
her room without getting up.
No answer.
I started to wail.
“
Dad!” She waited. “
Dad! She’s doing
it again!”
My dad’s
voice came
muffled down the hall: “
Ann?”
“I’m
sick!”
I heard him
getting out of bed, walking down
the hallway. Then he was right
behind me. “Are you
finished?”
“I
can’t sleep.” I
moaned.
“You need to be
quieter. I have to
get up in the morning.”
So did I. At
7:55,
Laura and I would cross
the orchard behind
the house, climb
the fence, and head to the
berry patch for work.
“
I don’t wanna go back to bed. I can't sleep.” I started to
choke again. I leaned my
head over the
toilet.
My stomach was empty.
“
Fine,
sleep here, but you have to keep the door
closed. You’re
keeping everybody awake.”
I let him
close the door. I
tried again to throw up. I was definitely
empty. I unfocused
my eyes, resting my
head on the brown and yellow
linoleum. My body was
tired but the
movie still played in my mind.
The girlfriend. The
blood.
The father’s
message.
I
woke halfway in the
early morning and climbed into bed for
the last few hours of
darkness. I was twelve and a
half.
from The Book of Revelation
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