In a sleeping state early this morning I found that I only had the one person on my mind. Do I have a good reason?
No. There should be no problem here, but due to my lack of
coherent thinking, a problem remains.
It's not a
romantic thing, because there is no romance (or even interest in it).
It's not a
friendship thing, because friendships are not supposed to be complicated.
I spent hours this week just pondering over what everything meant. I got all of the little things that she did to me over a period of three days and developed a conclusion as to how she was thinking about me.
Dialogue in a rare (we never annoy each other) confrontation:
Me: "Sorry again, but is it anything I've done? I feel like I've wronged you for some reason."
Her: "No, no. In fact, this has nothing to do with you at all."
Me "Then you have no excuse for doing this to me."
Ironically, the only question I had after that was "what did
I do to deserve
this?"
I have quite a few solutions to an unanswerable problem.
She tells me I make it worse by comforting her, and she doesn't need that. I can't help but do it, she looks like she is in pain.
All I have to do is wait for her to come to me. But why should I hang on someone else's leisure?
And besides, something like this shouldn't break my heart like it has. But shouldn't a good friend realise she is hurting me?
I think my problem is that I am
in too deep. I expect way too much of our friendship.
I am coming to the conclusion that Male/female friendships can be complicated sometimes (if only for one party;
me).
I, like I always do, am overlooking the good things.
She just gives me bits of her food. For nothing. It is nice to know that I have someone that makes me want to smile.
It is horrible to think that after
this long, she is getting tired of my shit.
It is hard to believe that one week ago to the day, she had made me the happiest person in the world.
I have gone through so much pain about this the past week, I can't put past events in to a chronological order... it is honestly like one big
nightmare. And I am still fretting about it.
sigh