Most of my friends are currently stagnating in this state. In this, we are still befitted with titles we resent: inexperienced, a sweet, little child:
After years of looking up to my elders as I clutched books to my chest promising first loves and kisses, I expected more of my 16th birthday. This is the time where one is supposed to be frolicking in pretty dresses from the mall, going on a date at the brand new multiplex, and making out in someone's car. It is a shock for me to realize that, after all those years in adolescence dreaming of the ideal high school life, I do not experience any of this, and nor do I want to anymore.
I do not think I am an unattractive fool. It is always a good possibility, but I think the real reason I have never been kissed is because I am shy and when boys make passes at me, I am embarrassed and tend to run away like the meek, little mouse that I am. I want to chip off at least one tiny bit of my innocence, but I am frightened of it at the same time. I used to sit on the edge of my chair, moistening my lips - imagining the first tender touch upon my soft lips. I have sat thinking these thoughts for many an hour, especially when my heart brewed itself in a cauldron of "love."
And here I sit. My 17th birthday is in three months. While before, I would certainly expect a kiss from someone by this time, most preferably a boy (I would think this, while at the same time dismissing it) - now, I think otherwise. It was only a matter of time before reality stole my romantic dreams away from me. "Sweet 16 and never been kissed" was once a nice statement of innocence and promise, but it has now developed into something otherwise - something sinister - forboding the loss of ideals, hope, and the reality that there will be no boy to take one look at me and proceed to sweep me off my feet.