I'm not sure if this even gets read, but what the heck...
I'm feeling dusty. I guess that would be the best way to describe how I feel about being in E2 these days.
I'm a dusty old person sitting in a library 24 hours a day. I've become a part that is not important to the place as a whole, and whom everyone forgets and doesn't even see because he's sort of a part of the landscape, but if I'd be missing people probably would think something's gone.
I've rooted on this place. I'm still in the same corner as I was when I came. Still reading the same books, with new books stacked on the board beside me, and I keep reading them. I see people walking around. Far away, I see them arguing. I read. Same stuff. Same old stuff. Same good stuff. Oh look, someone brought new books again. Interesting.
Nobody says hello. They don't need to. They know that. I know that.
I know where I am. But where I am, I don't know.
I've always been a quiet observer. That has become my role everywhere. What I have done myself is often small and unimportant. I'm just here to see that things are working just fine.
I've become lonely, too.
I don't know what I'm actually doing to this place, or any place. I'm a watchdog (or more like a watchwolf =), but a watchdog without the responsibility to tell about intruders. I'm an observer without the need to tell what I've seen. I do small neat things, but not big great things.
I've wanted to do something more important for this place, but I'm always doubting my ability. I'm sure I could do important things - I'm absolutely positive - but I've never actually done anything remarkable. People probably remember me, but they can't remember why.
Maybe I'm just trying to do small things too hard.