A shot invented by a guy I met at school once.

WARNING: DO NOT fuck with this drink. DO NOT take more than two of these shots in an evening. DO NOT take this if you have a heart condition. DO NOT take this if you are drinking alone. DO NOT take this shortly before operating heavy machinery. DO NOT take this within sixteen feet of a clown making balloon animals. DO NOT expect to be driving home tonight. And DO NOT take this if you are already feeling drunk. Everclear is to normal liquor as knife play is to missionary style. Know what the fuck you're doing.


Grind the Vivarin up with a mortar and pestle, or anything similar that you have handy. You want as fine a powder as you can get. Place in a glass cup, add Schnapps, add Everclear, stir.

Take a moment for quiet contemplation. Look back on your life with a fond eye, remembering your dearest moments. Consider that you're about to down more than two ounces of pure ethanol, along with the caffeine equivalent of two to four cups of coffee, in the space of about two seconds. Look back on your life once more. Try to discern the exact moment when things went wrong.

Look at your drink. Sniff your drink. Down your drink.

Spend the next two hours pretending you're at a carnival, and God is working the Tilt-a-Whirl.