Like many people, my vote in the 2016 US Presidential Election was not one in support of a candidate who I thought would be a good leader and bring about much needed change for the better. My vote was to mitigate damage. In the end, it did not.

For much of the year, we made jokes and thumped our chests, but this was a cover for our fears. As the final candidates became clear, we laughed through gritted teeth, telling ourselves that whatever happened wouldn’t be that bad.

I did not handle things well. Starting the day before, I grew increasingly agitated. My early vote was in, there was little I could do. But my personal politics gnawed at me. I had voted for someone I…detested is a strong word, but I’m having difficulty coming up with a better one. For many years I told myself I’d never vote for her, but look what options I was presented with. It was so bad, I called in sick to work. In the evening, I went to krav maga class to take my mind off things. That helped for a bit, although I now have a strained ring finger on my primary hand.

Afterwards, I sat down with roommates, with a lot of alcohol, and tried to not despair. Even Comedy Central’s live streaming broadcast struggled to blunt what was happening. When the site crashed, and we couldn’t reestablish a connection, when switched to NBC. The scope of the results were clearer, but more disheartening. Those who watched the results roll in saw how extremely close each state was. This is what happens when both major candidates are so equally divisive, suspicious in public record, supposed accounts, and moral and ethical standards. We can blame voter turnout, although it was reportedly higher than average this time. We can blame third party voters, but they have a right to cling to hope in a storm. We can blame those who chose not to vote, but, in a way, that is a vote in itself.

The massive stock market dive was surprisingly horrible. A bottom value was decided on, because that’s somehow realistic and not more discouraging.

The usual social media claims of moving to a different country made the rounds. Although some were less in jest. There are many people I know who are going to have a very hard time living in this country now. It was reported that Canada’s immigration website crashed.

It’s been said more than once that 2016 is a shit show. So many beloved famous people dying, Brexit, this. Here’s the world we live in now.

Excuse me, I have to go separate the cats. They are fighting again.