To recap:

A spoiled rich kid with no political experience, a fear of women's bleeding "wherevers," a bad hairpiece, and fame as a Reality TV bully is the candidate in this year's U.S. election for the party that claims to represent family values. He's also the man who will stand up for the common people.

Their platform involves magically forcing a foreign country to build a wall to stop illegal immigration and (between lies), branding their opponent as a liar who should be imprisoned.

One of the speakers at the convention is a foreign-born D-list celebrity/underwear model with multiple out-of-wedlock children who claims that the current president is a Muslim because he "feels it in his heart." When reporters point out that the Obamas attend a Christian church, his rebuttal is to say no they don't.

The potential American First Lady plagiarizes the most banal parts of a speech given by the current American First Lady.

The party of family values invites a has-been band most famous for a song about crystal meth and sex to perform. The crowd watching them boos "science."

"Jezebel" is "reaching out" to that band for comment.

My meds have failed, right?

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