Since the Other Noders' List just said I was noding a carrot, I thought I should.

Carrot Ironfoundersson was found by a tribe of Ramtops dwarfs as an infant. The baby was found in the wreckage of a carriage, along with the most unmagical sword the dwarfs had ever seen. Instead of having a magical aura, the sword was merely very very sharp and, in fact, looked like a sword for killing people with most efficiently.

Carrot was adopted by the King of the particular group of dwarfs who found him, and lived a happy, though stooped, life until his relationship with another (presumably female, but it's almost impossible to know, with dwarfs) dwarf, named Minty, became too worrisome for either of their parents to accept any longer.

Carrot was firmly but kindly told to leave the home mine and go to live with "his own kind" in Ankh Morpork. Before he left he was given a copy of the laws of the city and a "protective" device.

He arrived in the city with the laws memorised and a huge innocence. He asked for, and was given, lodging in a house of ill repute, in the Shades (the roughest part of the city) and reported for work with The City Watch the next morning.

During his time in the City Watch, Carrot struck up a romance with Angua, a werewolf and another policeman in the Watch.

Carrot's innocence and goodness( not to mention large size and strength), allowed him to reform the broken down City Watch into a an efficient crime fighting force in fairly short order, and he quickly became infamous among the city's nobility, as it seemed apparent he was the "Rightful King" of Ankh Morpork. Carrot himself, however, always sidestepped the issue when it was raised, and remained a policeman.