I found love again
...but I don't know her name, and her face is a bit vague to me as well. Of course, with the luck I've been having, it isn't even real, or at least not in this dimension of reality. It was in my dream
. But it was something
I haven't felt for a very long time. It was new to me again. I had thought that I felt everything before. Now I realize that I haven't.
In contrast, yesterday was a very irritating time for me. It was no wonder - since it was one month to the day that she left me. I try not to talk about it, so instead I feel bad about it. Mostly, I was angry. The good thing was, I was still reserved and quiet about it, but only a little creepy. Every little thing got to me to exasperate my existence. Pacifists would have been more tolerant than I.
Waking up this morning was the best thing that could happen to me. The dream gave me hope to live another day, to look forward to meeting people and perhaps fall in love when that time finally comes.
I suppose a lot of the effects came from the movie last night. Meet Joe Black was on last night. I had seen the movie once before on rental. She and I had watched it. She felt it was belabouring and boring. I found the movie to be quite imaginative in regards to the storyline and with a good script. Claire Forlani, with her daunting eyes and radiance, overwhelmed my senses. I felt a potential for love for someone who is so far away, in another world from me.
My heart is now longing for this feeling to be permanent. I can hear in my head coax myself into keeping this specific feeling so that each and every minute of my being can be a litle more bearable. Love and optimism are one and the same. That is what I am aiming for.
Amazingly, the image of this girl I do not know, resembled one of the women I smiled at in the personals website. But she is all the way in California. Am I chasing a dream that does not exist?
No. It cannot be. It spoke volumes to me when I felt the way I did. The girl wasn't an ordinary person. She did something for my soul. All I need to do is seek her out.
This has happened to me before. The other time, it was just warm, soft lips touching mine. That dream left me feeling ecstatic and curious. And then she came along and realized it for me. That was five years ago.
It's starting to happen again.