The best method of winning an argument I know of (apart from starting a small fire in the middle of room and beginning to masturbate furiously) comes from my Scouser mate Joe.

He usually does this when drunk, and while eating (for reasons which will soon become obvious).

Somehow, he gets himself into an insanely complex argument involving impossibly deep issues. Just as the other person delivers what they think is the killer blow, Joe pauses, looks them in the eye, then slowly and deliberately picks up his food and squashes it into his own face.

He then just sits there, arms folded, food dripping slowly from his face, calmly looking at the other person.

How can you follow that? Argument won.