Breaking News (May 9, 2000)...
A seven-story Wild Turkey warehouse went up in flames today, burning to the ground in just under three minutes, spilling thousands of gallons of flaming Wild Turkey into the Kentucky River, and setting the nearby woods on fire. A water treatment plant downstream had to be shut down for fear that the water supply of Lawrenceburg would be contaminated by bourbon.
This is a true story. I find this hilarious (especially since no one was hurt). Imagine if they hadn't shut down the plant...
Honey, I feel positively shitfaced!
But all you've had to drink is water!
Yeah, I know... wanna get me another glass?