Wassabi. In attempt to capture the mood of this fine(?) morning I shall abuse another portion of the node-gel.

Firstly, the achievements(if i may call them that).

I finished the seventh book of the wheel of time series. I bow down to Robert Jordan and then bow down to him again (in adition to the 60 bucks i already paid for his books). A crown of swords (the book) was pretty captivating (just like the other six) in it's own way. Jordan is being somewhat cheap in his handling of the series. Somewhere I read that he's going to milk it till the audience gives up. I can apreciate that. After all it's what puts food on his table. On the other hand, as a reader it's sorta frustruating to know that we might never know what happens to Rand al'Thor et al. Also i gained a new found respect (well respect is really a strong word. understanding perhaps) for the people that watch soaps. 'Cause really. The wheel of time is nothing more then a giant fantasy soap opera - and Jordan is treating it that way. Same thing with Star Trek, Earth: The Final Conflict. And Dark Angel is just T&A. Jehehe. Anyhow I tried to stay away from the eighth book (Path of Daggers). But I just couldn't stay away. My Life is Empty. So I went to Chapters and purchased it today, for $10.66 cdn. I'm addicted. But like we all know, the Wheel weaves, and the wheel wills. (I almost used it once in place of C'est la vie or shit happens. But i caught myself in time, thank goodness).

My other underachievements. The weird i-m-pissing-every-10-minutes thing went away. The doc didn't know what it was. He performed some unpleasant tests. Shrugged, and gave me antibiotics to eat for two weeks. Been 5 days and it's gone. I dont know what it was or how it got there but it's gone and I'm happy.
My wrists are starting to sorta hurt. I wonder whether it's the RSI and arthritis kicking in, or it's the improper handling of the dumbells in the gym. Shrug. Interestingly my good friend Ilia (wait let me laugh - hahaha) saw me at the gym last friday. He was all "ooh" and "ahh" about how much muscle I gained. I don't know whether it's true (coz he bullshits way to much) but i'll file it under "achievement" anyway.

The fun part. Failures. I'm officially beyond burned out now. I haven't had more then 3 days off for about 3 years now. All I can think about now is sitting somewhere sippin' tea and spitting at the ceiling (that's a russian idiom meaning "slackin off" basically..). Work used to be a fun place. Now i'm sorta demoralized, sick and tired. I wanna go home thought crosses my mind at 9:10am. Ugh. What can I say. Today's study session was less then satisfactory - i should've done twice what i did.

Day by day im getting more afraid of people. There are two ways a conversation with a new person begins. No, three. 1) I feel an equal to this person (rarely). Normal conversation between adults ensues. 2) I feel inferior to the person. Slow carefully guarded conversation of limited scope. 3) A girl. Completely withdrawn and stonefaced MrFurious mumbles something incoherently while trying not to make a fool out of himself, failing miserably. It's sick. It's wrong. It's disgusting. And what do i do? I hide. I don't think I am a coward. I mean people are scared of things right? Being scared is what made my ancestors run from the big bad wolf, and ultimately through the natural selection my parents were born, and then me. Therefore logic dictates that my genes after so many generations contain somewhat successfull amount of fear. But dammit, why among other things (like seafood! are you sure it's dead?...) I'm afraid of women? Ok afraid is too strong. Warry. I tried couple of times, and both plunged me into months of madness and despair.
Hello, I love you, want you tell me your name

Some of my friends (you know who you are !!) are sliding into the depth of depression. Of course some have been there for a while. I try to do something, but it's hard to act happy when I myself i somewhat in distress. Of course, on the other hand all this misery is sorta funny. I dont know why, but it is. I'll even chuckle - heheh. I found an ultimate cure for all of our problems. It's my birthday in a couple of weeks so we are going to have a pre birthday bash type thing. Everyone gets drunk, and spits out their problems with a bits of digested food. This friday. I'll tell you how it goes.

Whoa this has been sorta long. Why did you read it anyhow? :) I gotta say thanks though. Domo arigato gozaimasu.