Hopskip is a mixed drink that is cheap, sweet, and sleazy; even the most experienced drinker will have a hard time knowing how much is too much. The first time I drank it, I was at a party thrown by the Cornell debate team, where it seemed to have been prepared in an anti-intellectual gesture that nonetheless failed to fool anybody. The drink is related to Stanford's hop skip and go naked, but is slightly carbonated and therefore easier to pass off as soda.

The recipe: Mix all the ingredients in a large cooking. For real squalor, double or triple the above volumes and mix them together in a garbage can. Some insist that you stir the mixture with your arm, instead of with a spoon, for authenticity's sake, but I maintain that this is unneccessary. Pour the hopskip into empty 2-liter soda bottles to serve. Do not tell your guests what they are drinking, at least until after they've put away a glass or two.