I am glad to be back.
I was Mitzi here. I was also married there. I am now neither.
Divorce is an odd thing, particularly when the person you're divorcing has been part of your life for fifteen years. It feels like one of the less benign circles of hell. It wakes you up at night with tears slipping into your ears and the name of your husband on your lips.
Time will tell. I remember that old movie The Witches of Eastwick, where Jack Nicholson says that women become ripe and bloom when any of the "Three D's" occur: death, divorce, or desertion.
I am waiting to bloom, but now I feel like a tiny seed in a dark place. I guess darkness is part of the process.
There is a strange thing that happens when someone you've loved for many years goes away. It is a singular sort of amnesia. You lose an entire set of memories that you'd entrusted to the other person - meals you ate together, love you'd made, places you'd been. Silly in-jokes. You know that you don't have room to carry all of it, so you allow the other person to carry what you can't hold. When they go, those memories evaporate.
It's like having important bits of skin pulled off of you. Like walking around raw and exposed.
I never felt that way here. Well, I mean, I always felt exposed here, but it was like taking off a too-hot sweater in a room with a fireplace and brandy and friends. The good kind of exposed.
I am glad to be back. I don't have a home now, so this feels like the closest thing.
Looking forward to getting naked with y'all again real soon.