I spoke with a good friend of mine over a bowl of mongolian barbecue the other day, and the conversation drifted to a P.O.D. song I had recommended. He in turn gave me an almost 10 minute rant about the fakeness and triteness (is that a word?) of the song and generally ripped the song a new one. If you ask me he's overly sensitive about religion. He's an atheist, I'm not. Most of the time we respect each other's positions, but every once in a while it turns into this big old hoopla that he never seems to let die. I just need to watch what I say, that's all.

Today during my break I heard that a police officer in San Jose was killed this morning. No suspect information. Nothing. Just an officer dead on the street next to his car. He was 23. He had been off of his probationary period for a mere 2 weeks, and had only been a solo car for that long. Maybe it's because I'm a dispatcher that it hit me so close to my heart. Maybe it's because I will be a cop in several years. Maybe it's because he was only 4 years older than I am now, doing exactly what I would be doing. I don't know why, but I have this feeling that I will die in the line of duty. It's a premonition, that's all, and I'll do my best to prove it false, but ever since I began thinking about this line of work it was something that I almost took for granted. I know it's morbid, but every time you put on that uniform, you are taking the chance that it will be an E.R. nurse who cuts it off. Or the coroner. That the next uniform you'll be wearing is the Class A's you're buried in. And after a motorcade and a gun salute and taps the chief hands your wife or your mother the flag that draped your coffin and says "I'm so sorry." They always say "Keep God as your backup." But what about when He calls me as backup for one of His children. I will respond to the call. And I may have to make the ultimate sacrifice.

I ran a red light on the way home from work today. It was 3:30am and there wasn't a car on the road except me. But somebody could have been. It just makes you realize that you can be a lot further away from reality than you realize.