Have to say, i was disappointed. I mean, why does anyone go to these things if not in the vain hope that other people are better-looking than you? It was, bad, man.

I got there late. I recognised bol immediately by the beard, glasses, pony-tail and enormous beergut. ReiToei was there too, not looking much better, although i must say her beard was more neatly trimmed. They were drinking Bacardi Breezers, a sure sign of non-drinkers who're only really marking time.

I managed to squeeze my tremendous bulk begind the table, prompting cries from the locals of "hey, who let Anne Widdecombe in here", which is quite flattering i guess but not really what i was there for. Then TheLady showed up, still in his leathers from a meeting of the local Hell's Angels chapter that had been going on earlier.

Finally, ryano joined us, resplendent in a paisley shirt and stinking of spliff. Where he found room for the Aston Martin i have no idea, but i guess these dotcom millionaires can usually find a way.

We drank for a bit and then we were supposed to like, go to the park and touch each other in mystic harmonious ways. I'd been looking forward to that bit, but somehow got separated from everyone else and while i was in Phoenix Park they went to Merrion Square and frightened the homeless guys. Sickening. I made out with a gorilla who was a lot cuter than my last boyfriend and then went home.

In case nobody noticed, this is not quite how it was, and not quite how we were, either. Photos are up on http://www.the-kennel.org/meeting.html right now. They might not be us, but then again, they might.