It's like a fairy-tale.
I was looking through my spam folder. Right at the top were three emails. The first offered me the ability to:
Scratch your feet with your penis.
which is funny to me because, with
a little bending and
not too much straining, it's something I can do now. I'm fairly certain most guys could, too.
Try it. I'll wait.
The second email gave me (I can't believe you just did that! Groovy!) the chance to
Get a penis from the cover of the magazine.
Which is funny because the moment I read that, the picture that flashed through my head was that of a
Time Magazine cover from a few years back, a photograph of
Newt Gingrich taken with such detail and so untouched by
photoshoppers and the like that Gingrich's face looked like the pockmarked surface of
some distant moon but
oily enough to fry a crapton of
bacon in without him feeling a thing.
And when that didn't work, apparently, the spammers got desperate and said I would soon
Get a visit from the big dick fairy.
Which, gathering from the content of said email (couldn't resist) is sort of an odd phrase to attempt to sell heterosexual men male enhancement pills with. Fairy is not a word I
generally think of when I'm thinking of huge dicks. Usually.
The moral of the fairy tale, apparently, is: when the big dick fairy wanders through your bedroom window and offers you the ability to scratch your feet with some unexpected part of your anatomy, let her do it, because at least then you'll be one step closer to being Newt Gingrich. My brain frightens me.
I'd post it in a dreamlog if it weren't for me being frighteningly awake.