The
buildings of
NYC rise like
phantoms out of the fog, as I
rise over the center hump of the
bridge. The
tires of my
car make the familar
thump-tump-thump-tump battle cry, as I descend back into the malestrom of
traffic..which is only barely respited by the orderly white
lines of the
bridge,
CASH right lane,
EZ PASS all others.
Ancient warfare has been replaced by
merging lanes.
shifts gears to weekend in Connecticut
Surrender to the carpet effect of multiple
Newcastle bombers at Wonderland Billards. Run into old friend Dmitry and his wonderfully leatherclad girlfriend. Make plans for a night out back in Long Island over the holidays.
no sleep, mind spinning
Spend Sunday with old ex and her
daughter. Old
love turned to
hate, replaced by easy occasional friendship (sans sex..just tension). She showed my the old
victorian turned duplex she just bought.
She's done good without me. Of course
So on to the
finale
Stopped by julz on the way back to
NY. Time for the
big talk. Five months of occasional
fuck filled weekends obviously meant something different to
her than it did
me. I was comfortable with the way things were. No forced, trite words of love, just easy times.
sounds nice, doesn't it?
So I get
ultimatum: walk and never speak to her again, or give her a shot. I wanted to run for that door, run and thank all applicable
powers that be I got away so easy.
enter conscience
I stayed...out of
guilt. The wrong
reason? Yes. I know that.
Staying was shittier than
leaving. She countered every argument, every warning I could throw at her with:
"How do you know, if you don't try?"
I do know. I have tried.
Last pitch
plea. As I
rise off the
couch.
"I don't know what I'll do if you
leave..I won't be
responsible"
what?!
the ultimate guilt trip
so i stay, and give
her what
she wants.
leave an hour later,
sick and
angry, make the ride back to the center of
Long Island in under two hours.
I'd so rather be
alone.
This is
wrong