rise like phantoms
out of the fog, as I rise
over the center hump of the bridge
. The tires
of my car
make the familar thump-tump-thump-tump
battle cry, as I descend back into the malestrom of traffic
..which is only barely respited by the orderly white lines
of the bridge
right lane, EZ PASS
has been replaced by merging lanes
shifts gears to weekend in Connecticut
to the carpet effect of multiple Newcastle
bombers at Wonderland Billards. Run into old friend Dmitry and his wonderfully leatherclad girlfriend. Make plans for a night out back in Long Island over the holidays.
no sleep, mind spinning
Spend Sunday with old ex and her daughter
. Old love
turned to hate
, replaced by easy occasional friendship (sans sex..just tension). She showed my the old victorian
turned duplex she just bought.
She's done good without me. Of course
So on to the finale
Stopped by julz on the way back to NY
. Time for the big talk
. Five months of occasional fuck filled weekends
obviously meant something different to her
than it did me
. I was comfortable with the way things were. No forced, trite words of love, just easy times.
sounds nice, doesn't it?
So I get ultimatum
: walk and never speak to her again, or give her a shot. I wanted to run for that door, run and thank all applicable powers
that be I got away so easy.
I stayed...out of guilt
. The wrong reason
? Yes. I know that. Staying
was shittier than leaving
. She countered every argument, every warning I could throw at her with:
"How do you know, if you don't try?"
I do know. I have tried.
Last pitch plea
. As I rise
off the couch
"I don't know what I'll do if you leave
..I won't be responsible
the ultimate guilt trip
so i stay, and give her
leave an hour later, sick
, make the ride back to the center of Long Island
in under two hours.
I'd so rather be alone
This is wrong