"The sun is crumbling-my head turns to dust" The Cure
She stood face to face with me, looking over her pert nose into my flaming green eyes. She reached out and grabbed my hands.
"I didn't mean to do it. It was..like that buzz you get when you meet the right person".
I looked down at her.
"Oh, really?" Do you have to fuck every guy and girl you 'buzz' with?"
Her brow furrowed ominously.
"Don't play holier than thou with me. It's not like you don't have your fun" she dropped my stiff hand.
"With who?"
"Nad, for one."
I pause. "Oh come on, she's like my little sister. You're being jealous."
"About what?! What the fuck are we?" she shouted.
I backed away, pulling a pack of Camels from my pocket. I offered her one out of habit, and she snatched one deftly.
"I thought we agreed what we were a long time ago" I said as I lit my smoke.
Disdaining my offer of a lighter, she pulled out her yellow one and spun the wheel viciously.
I think back to this episode, and it's relevance to my life now. I wonder what could have gone different, and realize it was all part of a bigger web than the one I spin, and the ones I struggle in.
It leaves me lonely, thinking about what-may-have-beens. It's not a wasted effort, I honestly believe that we all learn from such mental meandering..but still I feel empty.
Another loose end, another friend who slaps me in the face with a picture of what I couldn't see at the time..the cycle continues and still I walk on, oblivious as usual until it's far too late. Et tous?