I willingly gave up
control of my life to him. I
trust him completely. I never
considered that it might get harder with time instead of easier. I've known him for nearly five years now. We were friends, then
lovers. Now I
belong to him without question. The tiny
baby steps we took at the start of our
relationship helped me to feel safe, still in
control. My
soft limits have been poked at, tugged, streched, torn and discarded. Many of the things I once considered
hard limits have been changed gradually into
soft limits and they too have melted away. I still have my
safeword and the basic SSC rules but that is the only control allowed me anymore. It's the way I've always
hoped it would become but I'm so
afraid. I feel myself becoming more and more his and I can't resist, don't want to resist. I was always
alone, the
rebel and the
outcast. He has made himself my only
home. I
love him and I know I can
depend on him to always be there for me.
...but what if something happens to him? what will I do? who would care for me like he does? who will love me?
He will scold me for making myself so upset even as he does his best to soothe my fears. He always understands my
concerns but upseting myself while he sleeps, all unknowing is wrong and I know it. Master will want to know my
fears. I must wake him. His will is my life.