Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll
Speed, weed, and birth control
Life sucks and then you die
Screw the world, and let's get high...

because I can't make you love me if you don't, I can't make your heart feel something it won't...

Groaning, I roll out of bed and fumble with the buttons to shut the radio off. I am so sick of that goddamn Bonnie Rait song. The only station my alarm radio will get plays that song at 9:00am every day which is exactly when I wake up most days. I need some pills to combat this killer headache I've woken up with. Popping two excedrin, I catch my reflection in the mirror. My hair is tangled and messy, my eyes smudged and dirty with last nights makeup, and I've got hickeys on my neck and shoulders.

In the shower I always feel good, no matter how bad things are. I wash away the smells of stale booze and sex this morning, smiling a little at my memories. Leaning against the wall with the water beating down on me I ask myself why this is all happening. The past few weeks have been insane. I have been living with one man, screwing two, and I think I am in love with both. John left our bed for work this morning at 5:30, Brad left the couch for his work and hometown shortly after. I dry off, and walk out to the living room to smoke a cigarette. One of Brad's shirts is still on the floor with my pants, underwear, and bra. Ashing in various empty bottles or cans around the living room, I pick up my clothes and put the bong away. I'll have to remind Brad to take his clothes and extra shoes with him when he comes back to see me next Friday night. Four and a half days till I see him again.

Bored, I take the bong out and do a couple hits before putting it back away under the sink. I turn the radio on 104.7 The Wolf. I Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company is on. I laugh. Brad made me a CD with that song on it as well as some other favorites. Sweet Leaf, Hello I Love You, All of My Love, are some of the songs. Its a good CD. I think I will clean up the house some, it will make John happy to come home to our house clean. I turn up the radio, and wash the pile of dishes in the sink. Moving on to the living room, I count the emptys as I throw them away. Thirteen are Brads beer cans, ten are my Smirnoff Twisteds. I throw away empty blunt wrap tubes, empty prescription bottles, empty pizza boxes.

The living room is clean now, so I sit down at the computer. E2 or DAOC? I kill time, smoking, waiting for John to come home. I hear the front door to our apartment building open. John walks in to see me sitting still naked at the computer. "Hey babe, you have anyone here with you? We can go to bed right now if you want." I say to him. He has Luke from work waiting outside, so I have to get dressed. Luke is cute. I had a sex dream with him in it the other night, but he was very annoying in it. Before Luke can come up, I go outside to join him in smoking a cigarette. We talk of his problems with my sister, and how all she cares about is having a good time. Personally, I agree with her. Thats all I am out for right now and I tell him so. That's why I get fucked up every weekend and carry on with Brad on the couch while John sleeps. John doesn't care. Maybe "have a good time, fuck everything else" isn't the best philosophy to live by.