I still don't think there's a God, but if there is, I want him on Speed Dial. Seriously.

I have so much stuff to talk to him about. If he exists, I want a fucking direct line to him. I could ask him why he's making my life miserable, why he's letting the world go to shit, and what his favorite color is.

It would rock to just pick up the phone, press a button, and be connected with his divine holiness. I'd call, and he'd be like "Hello?" I'd say "Wasssssssssup!", and he'd reply "Nothing. Just watching the entirety of both the known and unknown universes while maintaining control over humanity and nature while balancing the continuity of time, having a Bud. What's up with you?"

Maybe if I got to talk to him in real time with him supplying actual verbal responses, some stuff could actually be accomplished. Supposedly, man isn't supposed to understand God. However, if I was able to talk to him on the phone, I'd be able to understand a few things. My natural charm will weaken him, and make him divulge his secrets. If there really is a God, he hasn't been this interactive in a few millennia.

It would solve that annoying little thing about him even existing, too.

Prayer is not an interactive medium!