chemistry labs with sheep

What if you had to do a chemistry lab with sheep?

As the subject of the lab, not as your lab partner, of course.

Anyway... Here are the hypotheses you could test:

• What is the iron content of a sheep?

  You would take a sample of the sheep, morter and pestle it, make it into a solution, then titrate it with a manganate solutionm to determine the iron content.

  The interesting part would be getting the sheep into the mortar and pestle.

• What is the pH of a sheep?

  You would place the pH probe in the sheep, then measure the pH over time. For extra credit, you could add acid to the sheep (if the sheep is basic), or base (if the sheep is acidic), and observe the S-curve as the sheep is neutralized, then made into an acid or base.

• What is the electrical charge of a sheep?

  Connect electrodes to your sheep. Using a voltmeter, determine the charge of the sheep. With a wooden splint, stimulate the sheep. Does the charge change?

• Mr. Scheffler, I broke my sheep. Can I have another one?

  They do this to beakers and to the chemicals all the time. Of course, how does one break a sheep?

• Oops. Mr. Scheffler, my sheep stopped breathing. Do you know CPR?

• *CRASH* I dropped my sheep.

• Is my sheep supposed to do that?

Our teacher would, of course, explain the properties of sheep to us before the lab.

The major points:

• Don't poke, maim, mangle, molest, rip, bend, spindle, burn, or melt your sheep. One per group. The school district can't afford more than that. Sheep are $400 each, so BE CAREFUL.

• Sheep are fuzzy, so you will have to perform a fuzz-removal procedure prior to starting the real work. This is simple, provided you remembered to bring your large scalpel.

• You did remember to bring items from home, such as carrots or little children, to feed the sheep? Remember, items from the vending machine don't count, as they make the sheep ill.