Wog Day is the official U.S. Navy 'ceremony' that deals with crossing the equator while aboard a deployed ship. I am sure that civilian ships and non-U.S. navies also have their equivalent however I have not heard either way as to whether or not this actually goes on there. If anyone knows I invite any additional amplification that you might have as to the nature of a non-military or foriegn military equatorial crossings. Apologies for the geocentrism.

What it is:
This starts usually about a week from the actual date that the equator is actually crossed, typically people who have not crossed the 'line' (called Wogs,) are given various 'watches' and subjected to low-level mockery designed to make the time pass. (This is a strictly voluntary process, which means that everyone is given the opportunity to bow out at any time if they feel that they do not want to participate. Do not misconstrue what I am about to describe as hazing, it is not and never has been. Thanks to the actions of a few dissatisfied individuals and the avarice of the corporate media establishment Wog Day is not fun anymore, as a matter of fact it is quite inane.) Usually this involves standing in garbage cans and ringing bells for Shellbacks (those who have crossed the equator,) walking in and out of doors or through passageways on the ship. Other Wog watches include:

  • Mail Buoy Watch. Stood wearing heavy orange kapok live preservers, large metal helmets, and a long wooden pole. Wogs will then periodically reporting to someone that the buoy has not been sighted and there will be no mail.
  • Call For Flipper. Wog leans over side of ship and attempts to 'call Flipper.' Periodic reports are then made to someone who will indicate that the individual looking for Flipper is not calling correctly and should modify their calls in one way or another. Apparently Flipper is particularly attracted to renditions of 'I'm a Little Teapot.' (This is all very scientific, don't ask.)
  • Bucket Watch. Wog is issued a bucket, a funnel, a quantity of water and a spoon. Wog then pours water into funnel and reports which way water goes down the funnel. (This is supposed to look for an change in direction due to the Coriolis Effect. I told you, very scientific.)
  • Equator Watch. Wog is given a pair of binoculars and a large amount of superfluous equipment, then told to scan the horizon for signs of the equator which include letters, large solid or dashed black lines and a bump.
About twenty-four hours before the ceremony officially starts the Wog Talent Show is held. (Note: This used to include the picking of a Wog Queen, however we aren't allowed to do that anymore. Bit sexist it seems.) The most talented of all the slimy Wogs are allowed to become Honorable Shellbacks at the get go and then skip the ceremony the next day. This is all a set up and the talent show winners are usually the last people through the 'ceremony.'
The last hurdle that slimy Wogs must face before becoming Shellbacks is the 'Crossing of the Line Ceremony.' Now, there are some things that I am not going to give away because they are just sacred and not to be mucked with. However if you are facing this I would recommend that you:
  • Do not write 'Special Case' anywhere on your body.
  • Do not eat the 'Wog Breakfast.'
  • Tape the toes of your boots with duct tape. Start at the toes, wrap to about mid foot and then circle around the heel and lower ankle, then around the toes several more times.
  • Wear heavy leather gloves.
  • Cut your hair very short the night or day prior. Do not shave your head with a razor as you are going to be exposed to a great deal of saltwater being sprayed out of fire hoses.
  • Dress before going to bed.
  • Bone up on various Christmas Carols.
  • Remember to enjoy yourself.
  • When you finish and they ask you what you are, make sure you say Wog.

Ominous Laughter

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