The different types of computer users

There are many different types of computer users out there; here is a list of the better known ones and descriptions on each.

Joe Sixpack - Owns a computer, but doesn't use it very often. Has absolutely no idea how a computer works, and will call tech support for the slightest abnormality. Generally annoys more knowledgable users with questions that are answered plainly in the documentation. Tech support receives calls from these users most often. Has an email address, but checks it so seldomly you might as well call them on the phone. Most Joe Sixpacks refuse to learn anything about their computer because they are afraid of becoming geeks.

Compulsive Gamer - The compulsive gamer's only use for a computer is to play games. All the time. They tend to be more knowledgable about computers than Joe Sixpacks, but this is only because they spend so much time using them. Depending on the type of game that Compulsive Gamers play, they may be thoroughly obsessed with having the latest and greatest hardware at all times, so they may also classify as a...

Hardware Addict - Spends 80% of their income upgrading their computer hardware whenever any part is released that is more than 1% faster than the part they currently own. Hardware Addicts are almost always Compulsive Gamers, because games benefit the most from these constant upgrades. Many hardware addicts own over a half-dozen computers that they build from the parts they replace. Hardware Addicts are not always financially well-off; these HA's will whine endlessly about how they can't afford the latest new toy. Some Hardware Addicts take things too far, and evolve (devolve?) into...

Computer Riceboys - Computer Riceboys have much in common with regular ricers; the primary difference is they rice out computers instead of cars. Their favorite past times are buying expensive cases and modifying them to include windows, neon lights, stickers, an excessive number of cooling fans, and sometimes even switches to turn these fans on or off on the fly. They are usually hardware addicts, but not always. Some Computer Riceboys will make their 486DX2/66 look like something that belongs in a Sci-Fi movie, despite it being slower than molasses.

OS Nazi - These individuals feel their operating system is the only one that should be allowed to exist, and that all others should be abolished. OS Nazis will rag on everyone that doesn't run their OS of choice, as well as try to convert those who do run their OS of choice into a fellow OS Nazi. Any criticism of their favorite OS usually results in a baseless argument, and/or personal insults and shunning.

Media Pirate - If you removed all the abilities of a media pirate's computer except downloading and playing audio and video files, they wouldn't even notice. These people spend their entire lives trying to acquire as much music and video as possible from the Internet. They will never listen to 95% of what they acquire, and will always jump when a friend offers to loan them a CD so they can rip it and add it to their collection. Even if they don't like the group. These guys practically keep hard drive manufacturers afloat. Closely related to the WaReZ d00d.

WaReZ d00d - j00 g0t ne appz d00d? w1ll tr8d j00.. n33d 0 d@y w@r3z...

Walking Encyclopedia - The Walking Encyclopedia will attempt to learn every tiny insignificant detail about thier platform of choice, and will bring up those details in normal conversation as often as possible. They will also become furious if someone disputes one of their cherished "facts". Many WE's will also extend this to other fields.

Obsessed Microsoft Hater - Obsessed Microsoft Haters will take every opportunity to bash Microsoft and its products, even if Microsoft isn't the subject of discussion. Many OMH's will try to back their claims of MS Evil-ness with vague, unsubstantiated arguments like "Bill Gates is gay" or "Cuz it crashes." A large percentage of these individuals actually run Microsoft operating systems and thus don't really qualify as OS Nazis.

The Jaded Ones - The Jaded Ones are users that have been in the industry so long that nothing impresses them anymore. They usually like several platforms and operating systems equally, and their computers tend to be several years old. Many Jaded Ones own several systems, and are opposed to change in the industry.

Windows Weenie - Someone who loves Microsoft Windows and refuses to learn anything else because they think it's "too hard". Usually more knowledgable than Joe Sixpacks, but confines that knowledge to the Microsoft world.

Nostalgic Old Timers - These folks would do anything to go back in time and re-live the "good old days". Mention an Apple II, a VAX, or a C64 and they will tell you many stories of their experiences with those platforms. Nostalgic Old Timers tend to collect lots of old, esoteric hardware and like to keep it in working condition. There is much overlap between this group and The Jaded Ones, since they both have been in the industry for a long time.

Hopeless Malcontent - Nothing will satisfy the hopeless malcontent. They will complain about everything until the end of time. It doesn't matter how trivial something is; they will bitch about it and bitch with enthusiasm. Some of them even hate the computer industry as a whole, only sticking around because they are well paid and it's where they are skilled. It is extremely difficult to impress a hopeless malcontent because they almost always wish they were somewhere else. Jaded Ones tend to become hopeless malcontents toward the end of their careers.

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