It's all over! Go to the aftermath daylog here
Okay, let's see if I can do this in less than 100,000 words...
The What: A London Booze Monkeys Noder Meet
The When: Friday 13th December (oooooh!), 6pm onwards
The Where: Conrad Hotel, Chelsea Harbour (see bottom of writeup)
It's that time again. Small children roasting over an open fire, chestnut
s up your arse, buying presents you can't afford for people you don't like, getting cards from people you've forgotten about when it's too late to post one back without it looking obvious that you've forgotten - yes, whatever your religion, beliefs or hairstyle, there's no avoiding the fact that Christmas
is coming. Whether you like it or not, even if you don't celebrate it, we'll force it upon you heathen
s anyway, and make you like it. That same Christmas album playing in every single shop - Saint Cliff of Jesus
, Sir Paul of McCartney
, George Michael
, the same old fucking songs over and over and over, ramming the same cloying ball of partially hydrogenated shite down your throat again and again and again. Come on! Enjoy yourself, really loudly, with shite songs, tinny music coming from faux-lantern fairy lights
, and listening to Jingle Bells
for the 10,000th time! Laugh at the stench of death coming from overly jolly shop assistants with the wild, desperate eyes of cattle
who know damn well that the room they're being led into contains only the boltgun, trying desperately to escape but slipping and skidding on the blood of their fallen comrades! DO YOU SEE? IT'S CHRISTMAS! YOU VILL ENJOY YOURSELF, BRITISHER SCUM
But never mind all that - the whole end of year thing is merely an excuse to gather together, drink beer, and talk shite. Why do it with people you hate? Why not do it with people you like, or at least people you don't actively dislike?
If you live in London, near London, are passing through London around the time, could be convinced to pass through around the time, or whatever, then come along. The msging will begin now - pass the word on. If you know of other people, get them to come too. Any ideas of where to go should be sent to the usual address. We want a decent place that we can chat - ie, no loud, shite music, wankers, yuppies. Maybe a quiet pub, but preferably somewhere different entirely so that the pub-hating comedy white-baiting amnesiac can come along. Bring me your ideas, your suggestions, your huddled masses (although nothing that needs organising or booking or any of that nonsense, partly because it's far too late to book, but mainly because Homey don't play that). Let's have a whopping great sendoff for 2002 - or just do what we always do, sit in an embarrassed silence briefly before talking about e2 for 4 hours...
The roster so far:
Party on, dudes! - Me, fondue, StrawberryFrog, Pandora, booyaa (haven't asked him yet but he never lets us down - wahey, he's coming! BOOYAA! BOOYAA!), The Librarian (hasn't been seen for a while, but he usually turns up), Oolong, Great Neb, jobby, spiregrain, ReiToei, Tiefling, ascorbic, gnarl, heyoka (if she's still alive and hasn't mutated into a killer bee), ponder, Lila (hooray! she's going to be in the country after all!), call, TallRoo, CatherineB, theboy, Hexter, BaronWR, HamsterMan, Your name here with a witty comment
Come on you apes! You want to live forever? - Frankie, wertperch, Gritchka, princess loulou, SharQ, TheLady, Teriesieaireiaiasieraiasisas, ConfusionTheWaitress, darl, elem_125, JodieK ("Hey! Take me off the definitely going Bill and Ted list - it makes me seem desperate! Goddammit I've got big tits you know, people love me."), nine9, and so on and so forth
Oh dear, I find I'm watching television that night - arieh, trembling, Anml4ixoye,amnesiac (taking the drastic step of going to Iceland to avoid us)
If you have space for people to "crash", as the kids say, let me know, or contact the needy crashers below. If you need crash space, let me know.
These people need space: ascorbic, Lila, toalight, call
I've got space for 1 person, so please let me know if you can shelter one of the frightened, helpless noders above.
Update: If you are having a nervous breakdown at the mere thought of straying outside Leicester Square, or setting foot on a bus with all the poor people, having your pockets picked and catching scabies, please msg Pandora - she will tease you, but will then give you custom directions from your point of origin to the nodermeet itself. It's in London, it's on the map, I mean if it was beyond the big blue bit with "Hyrr be dragons" I could understand it... And remember - Jesus doesn't love you - but we do.
The Conrad Hotel, Chelsea Harbour - look up SW10 0XF on MultiMap, or copy and paste http://makeashorterlink.com/?B4F2146A2 into your browser if you can't be arsed. Pandora has managed to sort us out with a fancy schmancy location for our e2 London end of year thingy, merely by smiling, asking nicely, and selling several organs (I recommend the liver - that's good eatin'!). It is a stunning location, riverside views, opulent surroundings, there will either be no music or someone will be playing the piano (a 12-inch pianist, I hope), and it's fookin gorgeous. Check out piccies here www.milesfaster.co.uk/london-hotels/conrad-london-hotel.htm, here www.onlinediscountedhotels.co.uk/images/conrad/Balcony%20side%20Shot.jpg and here www.usahotelguide.com/hotel/10005010-10190701O.html?lang=ENG. Happy hour is 6pm till 7pm, but they've extended it just for us until 9pm, cause they're nice. It's the last e2 boozeup of the year, so let's make it a special one. I shall now turn you over to Pandora for the instructions on getting there:
Option 1 - The Earl's Court Route: Go to Earls Court, exit station at the Earls Court Road Exit. Cross the road. Catch a C3 Bus 'toward Chelsea Harbour' (it says so on the front of the bus) Ask the conductor to indicate when he stops at CH. Walk between two buildings (The Chambers 'the one with maroon trimmings' and The Design Center - which has three large glass domes on the roof), once you have walked through the colonnade these two buildings create you'll see the entrance to the Conrad on your left. Feel free to stop and ask directions, security guards on site will be informed, and will be happy to direct.
Option 2 - Sloane Square Route: Exit Sloane Square station, and find the bus stop for busses 11 - Toward Fulham Broadway)or 22 - Toward Putney Bridge). Both these busses go down Kings Road. Ask the conductor to indicate when he stops at Lots Road (the bus stop is in front of the Worlds End Health/Family Planning Clinic) . Lots Road is on the left hand side. Walk down Lots Road toward the power station (big red brick building with two LARGE chimneys) Lots Road turns, but you just carry on walking straight, into Chelsea Harbour, The Conrad Hotel will be directly in front of you, if you keep going straight.
In addition to The Conrad, I have booked us a table at Lots Road Diner for 9:15. It serves wonderful food until 10:00, and the alcohol will be cheaper than what the Hotel will deign to offer us once Happy Hour is over. The Diner will house us in the event that festivities continue past 9:00 which they may well do. It's virtually on the same property, so not far to walk/stagger/locomode.
Big "props" and "dope phat beats" or whatever to Pandora for sorting this out for us. I know it's a bit fiddlier to get to than other meets, but it'll definitely be worth it. Besides, we can scare the normals, ransack the place, and get on the news. I'm glad she stepped up, because I really don't have it in me to organise anything, and she's taken care of business bigstyle. Major thanks also to ponder who heroically braved some pubs in his research efforts. In fact, thanks to all of you, for being so - so bally spiffing. I - oh dear, I promised myself I wouldn't cry... you... you are all very special... I feel as though I'm standing on magic legs in a special effects process that is too unbelieveable to imagine and far too costly to make a reality... the streets of Heaven are too crowded with angels... God bless you all, God have mercy on us all, and God bless America! I love you! Tom Cruise! I love you, brother! I love you, man! Everybody, I love you! I love you all! Cameron Crowe! James L. Brooks! James L. Brooks, I love you! Everybody who's involved with this, I love you! I love you! Everybody involved!
* I do actually like Christmas. I just hate those songs.