And all you people thought hair metal was dead.......this is an article I wrote as The Defender for the Aussie metal website www.metalshop.com.au

Okay, it is time for The Defender to take a stand once again. Not against the musical smegma being farted out by the likes of Tim Freedman and Area 7....this time against a movement more insidious......attacking us within the very metal culture we have come to love........

Yes, it is what I have coined "The New Wave Of American Hair Metal". Everybody who knows the first thing about metal is familiar with the now legendary "New Wave Of British Heavy Metal" largely founded by the likes of Iron Maiden, Saxon and Judas Priest in the very early eighties. Often referred simply as NWOBHM, this movement reintroduced metal into a largely comatosed British public, bored shitless by such nonsense as The Clash and The Jam. These metal titans fought for the cause with classic records such as "British Steel" and "Killers".....

......my, my haven't times changed. Twenty years later and we have another "movement". This time the "New Wave" is more closely associated with that most hated and villified brand of metal : "hair metal". Yes, I speak of the current crop of so called "nu-metallers" who seem to be far more concerned with the shape, colour and direction of their hair (and facial growths) than they are the quality of the music they make. We all laugh at the sickening excesses of the likes of Ratt, Queensryche, Motley Crue and other eighties abominations, but have all you smart arses thought about what kind of salon visits your own metal heroes are making on a weekly basis? How much fucking hairspray do you think Wayne Static uses in a week????

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..so....before all you pimp metal tough guys bag us older blokes for reminiscing about the glories of the eighties, have a quick look at the back of your latest CD purchase. Tell-tale signs of NWOAHM are :

- each member of the band having a distinct colour code to their hair

- at least one band member sporting a "creative facial hair growth"

- dreads on one or more member, often shaped or with interesting streaks and ribbons in them

- amusing or oddly shaved side burns

- hair sticking in a direction that defies gravity

.....there is no doubt that any form of "hair metal" is a travesty and needs to be stamped out. The eighties crop quickly withered on the vine as we recognized that true heavy music shouldn't be played by pink-spandex clad jokers sporting bouffants....should the metal of 2000 be played with people who seem to be equally concerned with the look, shape and colour of their hair??

Some major NWOAHM players include :

* Logan Mader

* Dez Fafara

* Dino Cazares (when he had the stupid pigtails)

* Soulfly

* Static X (of course)

* Rob Zombie

Ahh, someone who agrees that hair metal is back! Not really a bad thing though. Most of the new hair metal bands have a slightly more 90's/2000 sound. Unlike the above writeup I am talking about hair metal as a sound/genre not just the hairstyle thing. For example I would certainly also say that Rob Zombie and Soulfly don't really count.

However, I would nominate the (quite good) Papa Roach as number one new purveyors of hair metal. They may look like nu-metal kiddies Limp Bizkit, they may not actually have the hair, but they sure as hell sound like hair metal. Also perhaps the band Disturbed.

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