After I paid my car insurance this morning, I decided I wanted to head over to McDonald's. I normally eat tastier food like the Grilled Chicken wraps from Chick-Fil-A like once a week, (Mmmm. waffle fries), but this week I was in the mood for some beef.
As I pulled out of the insurance agency parking lot, my mind wandered to a sandwich I had a while back. I remember it had a really tasty sauce on it, and was marketed as the sandwich with the "Grown-Up taste" or some shit. Something Arches? Golden Arch Something? I couldn't remember.
Pulling into the McDonald's lot, it sprang to mind. "ARCH DELUXE!", I said aloud. I pulled up to the drive-thru menu, and waited.
A female voice came from the speaker, sporting a semi-thick Latin accent. "Can I help you?"
I scanned the menu right quick, but didn't see what I was after. "Yes, I was wondering if you still made the Arch Deluxe?"
A brief pause... "We serving lunch now."
Maybe she misunderstood me. "Okay, thanks. I'm wondering if you still sell the Arch Deluxe sandwich."
A longer pause... "You can get one Big Mac for 99 cents."
The thought flashed through my mind that maybe I was talking to something automated, but was quickly dismissed.
"Yes. Okay. I want to know if you still make the Arch Deluxe. It's a sandwich you used to have a while back."
A really long pause... "We serving lunch now."
I started getting mad. McDonald's can't put someone with a coherent understanding of the English language on the drive-thru window? What the fuck? I rubbed my sinuses in frustration. After a few seconds, the speaker said "Hello?"
In one last futile attempt, I said "Hello? Yes. Do you have the Arch Deluxe?"
A pause, then another voice came on the speaker. "Please pull around to the window."
I drive to the window, and I'm greeted by two women. The first stands quietly while the second asks "What is it you were asking?" Yay! Someone who speaks fluent English!
"I was wondering if you still had the Arch Deluxe available."
"Oh, no, we don't. That was the one with the weird sauce, right? Yeah. We discontinued that a long time ago."
Relieved that I finally made contact with someone from my side of the universe and slightly disappointed they no longer make that tasty burger, I thanked her and drove home.
I'm eating a can of corn for lunch. That Arch Deluxe would have tasted much better.
For those of you who may be wondering what exactly the Arch Deluxe is (or was), it's was a hamburger on a split-crown sesame potato roll with cheese, lettuce, onion, tomato, optional bacon, and a special McDonald's sauce. The sauce was sweet and spicy, and had a mayonnaise base with a bit of dijon and peppercorn kick. It was really tasty.