This is for the Halloween Nodermeet Contest.
As you know, every year at this time your friend Behr (who is me) hosts a very special event called a nodermeet. I set things up for a good time for all the noders who want to come, unless there is a cap on how many people I can stuff into a building because of unnecessary regulations caused by liberalism. Last year's event was a success, but this year it is going to be extra special.
Through the use of a hand-axe and some gardening tools, I managed to acquire ownership of a 3.8 square mile, heavily wooded island 500 miles off the coast of Maine in international waters.
This island has the following amenities:
- Privy (2)
- Dirt trails
- Really wild animals, some undefined by science (which is hokey anyway)
- Pine trees/Dense forest
- Several small broken down shacks, one with hobo inside
- Possible alien graveyard (Primary greys)
- Weeping Virgin Mary statue (genuine tears)
- Possible random items
- Other things you will not be made aware of ahead of time but which may be well inclined to be harmful to your random personage (acceptable gender neutral term I use to be courteous when picking up ugly broads in bars).
Now, all noders will be welcome to come to this event the week of Halloween. I will get you excused from work by bribing those who are fucking foolish enough to actually employ a completely pathetic arsehole like you. That will be no problem. I have money and influence as a candidate for the U.S. Presidency and I call all the shots. You will commit to the adventure of a lifetime.
***UPDATE 10/6/19: MUSICAL ACTS ADDED***
OCTOBER 29: Crystal Gayle
OCTOBER 30: Johnny Paycheck
OCTOBER 31: Chopper's White All-Star Men's Team
NOVEMBER 1: Ted Nugent
NOVEMBER 2: David Hasselhoff
The adventure will consist of noders being stripped naked (completely for sanitary reasons) and dumped in random locations in the woods. I feel that having twelve or more individuals, fully dressed and with any kind of weaponry and supplies they desire PERIOD, and then letting them hunt the noders will be moist and effective way to have a ball with this. I will be watching the events from a helicopter from which I will radio your locations to my hunters along with what I would absolutely love to see done to you in those woods. Wonderful Halloween event.
There will be a boat leaving the docks in Bangor, Maine which will ferry noders to the island. There will be NO escape from the island, which is 500 miles from shore, until after five days. If you survive five days in those woods and the hunters fail to catch you, then you will get to go home and you will receive a stuffed animal from shelf B. The crap is on shelf A, and you don't want that, but you will have to go another week on Murder Island if you want the larger stuffed animal. That is how the carnival of the damned works, and you know, sure as shit, we are all living in the carnival of the damned now. We are joined with it. We will embrace it. We will welcome the camps. We will accept and embrace our place in them.
This will be a test case area for my planned camps, so please dress accordingly (nude) because those chosen to be processed into livestock feed will be sold to perverted Wichita farmers who want pony boys. They want food for their boys and livestock. They will dine well on you. This will bring meaning to your life (which otherwise has zero).
Some of those confirmed to be featured hunters this year are listed below (just below this line). Note that some I did retrieve some through my contacts in Hades in my role as talent scout for Joan Crawford's work group.
Updates to follow on this page.
***SPECIAL GUEST UPDATE 10/5/19: The Handsome Stranger from stage and screen will be appearing this year as a "potential ally" for noders who run into him on the island. His true loyalties will remain unknown to you until it is too late to matter.***
***SPECIAL GUEST UPDATE 10/6/19: Enigmatic Dwarf from a "faraway land," the enigmatic dwarf will appear in various locations on the island and offer you clues, tips, tools, and riddles. Some will be helpful, some will be misleading and dangerous, most will be red herrings.***
***SPECIAL EVENT UPDATE: Presentation of the movie "Meat: The Handsome Stranger" by Dineesh D. Soto, Bulgarian filmmaker depicting what it will be like when your newborn child becomes Thanksgiving Dinner for the more deserving (who work for a living). You will have the opportunity to see a full CGI mockup of your children being cooked through the use of a variety of recipes cooked in "Downton Abbey style mansions" and then served by your neighbors to the 1% as part of the annual holiday tradition in Future America***
Please /msg if you intend to attend and I will add you to the list of people to be hunted and give your information to the ferry operator.