Black Books episode guide: The Big Lock-out (episode 5)

Due to a recent burglarly Manny decides to get a security system installed, which consists of a big fuckoff steel door with a flashing light and buzzer combined with security code. When the security man is explaining (with a tremendous lisp) how to unlock the door once it's locked, Manny becomes distracted by a small football-player figurine stuck in the guy's mullet.

"Have you got that?" the security man asks. Not wanting to look like a fool, Manny insists that he understands perfectly. No need to explain again.

Long story short, Bernard later becomes locked out of the shop all night, and Manny locked in. Looking for something to do, Bernard tries to call Fran but she's at home masturbating to the sound of an old high-school friend's voice. (who reads the shipping forecast on Radio 4)

Bernard spends the night wandering from porn store to fast food chain, watching films that have been cancelled ("I went to see this arthouse film where NOTHING HAPPENED FOR TWO HOURS!"), and just generally being Bernard in a tight situation - hopeless.

Manny discovers an SAS survival manual and sets up camp in the store's back room. Drinking Absinthe for hydration (!?) and eating bees for sustinence, he personifies the true meaning of the 'lonely soldier'.

Previous: The Blackout
Next: He's Leaving Home

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