I mean, honestly <eyes_roll>, as every fanboy knows, Star Wars IV-VI is clearly an allegorical tale of an experienced man celebrating his homosexuality. Boba Fett (played by Jeremy Bullock; I wonder if he's hung like one?) rejoices in his gay lifestyle, yet he is constantly forced to defend his choice of sexual orientation from the ravages of homophobes and women. Lucas literally gives you a road map to the symbolism. Consider:

  • George wasn't sure how the puritanical American media would react to the story as originally scripted, so he toned the whole affair down into the 'Luke' allegory. Finding widespread public acceptance, he was able to introduce the main character in The Empire Strikes Back (the title itself a mockery of the conservative homophobic socio-political structures of the then - and present - time), albeit as only a 'minor' player. So, while much of the drama focuses on the young Skywalker's experimentation, the story is really Boba's to tell.
  • 'Boba Fett' is actually a corruption of 'Rubber Fetish'; Mr Fett took this name to emancipate himself from the shackles of homophobic, patriachal society. Underneath that armour (which comes in every colour of the rainbow) lies the tastiest gimp suit you have never laid thighs upon. And, honestly, can his uniform (or, indeed, those of all other characters in the series) be considered anything but gay camp? I thought not.
  • He's the big, strong, silent type who likes to shoot from the hip. And when he's handling his blaster, who does he like to aim it at? That's right - other men.
  • His spacecraft (for Boba is a sailor) is a blatant representation of an athletic 'box', or 'cup'; Boba sits erect at the top, his head right where the head of an erect penis would tower. And the name of this vessel? Why the (Sex)Slave I, of course.
  • Fett relishing working under Vader, the very personification and idealisation of his rampant homosexuality: that big black stature, that polished head, that rubber ensheathing...and can you imagine the balls on the guy?! That sensuous bass could entice anybody into the sack. Mmmmmm...Jedi mind trick me, baby....
  • You will notice that Boba refuses to deal directly with Emperor Cos Palpatine (a sexual pseudonym if ever there was one): this bitter evil homophobe, so reminiscent of a flaccid, syphilitic penis, wishes only to subjugate the great body of homosexual icons, or "Jedi". He's done it to the Lord Vader, but Mr Fett is gambling that by bringing the boy to Darth he will be jarred free of such repressive influence.
  • It is for similar reasons that Boba goes to Tatooine. The grossly corpulent, slothful Jabba, greasy, unkempt, prone to acts of random violence, and without charm or grace, is the undeniable paragon of your ISO Standard Male. But perhaps he, and those who gather round him, can be shown a new way - a better way - , realising their inner selves and reaching for the rainbow of their true sexuality, be it Homo or Other.
  • Never afraid to try new positions and experiences, the bounty hunter goes in for a round of Han Solo (not quite) Naked and Petrified. And he shows respect - that uncommon quality - for the recipient, remaining until he wakes instead of sneaking off into the night when the deed is done.
  • Boba admires the handiwork of a fellow bounty hunter named Bouch (sp? - not to be confused with Bossk, the reptilian bounty hunter), only to be betrayed when the nefarious Leia drops her disguise in the process of stealing away his man. He finds it fitting that she shall be consigned to the Sarlacc inhabiting the Great Pit of Carkoon to have its manifest femininity forced upon her as she has forced hers upon others. But all goes awry, for the malicious schemings of the Woman have subverted Luke, and he uses his 'lightsaber' to destroy Fett's hard won progress with the Hutt and his admirers. Worse, Boba is thrown into the cavernous maw of the Sarlacc himself (to be slowly emasculated over a thousand years! though later, unconfirmed, scuttlebutt has it that he managed to escape, having held onto his precious manhood, remarking that the creature found him 'difficult to digest'. I'll bet it did, a REAL man being too much for it to handle).
And before you go, consider this one, last thing: if all this is not the truth, then why does the man have such a cult following? It owes to a certain admiration of his uninhibited lifestyle, his actualisation of an innermost dream that most of us live but vicariously. I say to you: "Be free!". Thank you.

BTW - Who else wanted to see the wookie fall into the Pit? No, no, no, it's not like that. I mean, the wookie I can handle, the ewoks I can handle, but the wookie AND the ewoks? Ughh!

Really, this node could be simplified enormously:

Luke's always been somewhat pouty. It would be very easy for him to slip into a little lisp and sum up his experiences like this:

Daddy didn't want me to play with my lightsaber, Daddy wanted me to play with his lightsaber. When he caught me playing with my own 'saber (which really was ... duh! ... his from a long time ago) he got so mad he cut off my hand!!! Then he took me to some old troll's apartment to try and get me to play with the troll's lightsaber, too (though the troll's lightsaber was really something artificial, and looked like lavender lightning)! But in the end, I won, because the dashing straight guy, my sister, and some swashbuckler finally got tired of my closet issues and blew up the second Death Star all by themselves. In the meantime, I convinced Daddy that the old troll was simply too gross and too old to be pretty anymore, and so he needed to die, though I nearly had to kill Daddy to make him realize this. (Daddy's always had issues with internalized homophobia, you know ... I mean, really, would you choose a drag queen over a samauri stud??) Daddy realized he loved me more than his troll boyfriend and killed him...then he died.

He didn't give me his lightsaber, either. Damn you, Daddy!

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