Speeding ticket stories

Yes, just like everyone else, I sped. In the nine years of driving now, I have had only one ticket (knock on wood), and a couple of warnings. Most of the time, the police couldn't even catch me because of certain circumstances, or the fact that they were not present.
However, over the years, my speed has actually slowed down considerably and my driving habits have been a lot safer. (This comes with age.) And so, most of the following stories actually involve ways to avoiding speeding tickets in the most self-controlled conditions:

Stories
Travelling on the two-laned 401, I see a bunch of cars stopped on the side of the road for speeding. The police were cracking down in that one kilometre stretch of highway. When I spotted the activity ahead of the road, I was going at speed and passed a tractor-trailer. I noticed that as I passed the truck, the police had already taken a reading on my car but failed at attempts to signal and stop me because of the large, rolling truck on my side. I inadvertantly used it as a sort of "baracade" between me and the cops.

***

On the Gardiner Expressway, I was returning home from my friend's place near High Park. There was a construction zone just before the Don Valley Parkway and was posted as a 60km/h zone. However, anyone who's everyone remains travelling at highway speeds of 90 to 100 km/h in that area. As I was travelling about 90 to 100km/h, a car approached my right side and started to pass me. Around the bend was a cruiser hiding behind a construction barrier ready for the killing. The passing car spotted him first and accordingly slammed on his brakes illuminating his brake lights for a good five seconds. A spilt-second after seeing his brake lights go on, I slowed accordingly, slightly putting my brakes on, but only up until when the cruiser could see my rear. I didn't want to bring attention to myself by illuminating bright red lights at the cruiser. At this point, we were both travelling at about 80 km/h. However, for some reason, the other car just kept slowing and eventually got stopped once we were on the DVP. I still questioned whether it was my stealthiness or if the driver of that car was previously in "trouble" that contributed to my not being stopped.

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My one speeding ticket was when I was on my way to Ottawa on the 416. When I was stopped, the officer asked for a reason why I was speeding. I merely said, "I'm going to help my girlfriend move (to a new place)." - which was true.
I tried to make this time the quickest and most painless experience for both me and the officer. He reduced my fine by half. I don't ever speed on the 416 after this happened.

***

Travelling on the 401 once again, it was night when a car sped up and tailgated me. I was wondering what idiot would ever do such a thing. I later discoverd that it was indeed a police cruiser when it passed me at 160km/h. A minute or so later, it went onto the off-ramp to the service station. As I passed him and the station, I was keeping track of his whereabouts in my mirrors. He skipped the station and literally sped up again to play catch-up with our echelon of faster drivers (we were only doing 110 to 120km/h). He passed the group once again but without trapping anyone. Pretty sneaky!

***

Realizations
Over the years, I have learned one important factor in avoiding speeding tickets altogether - use your mind. Being smart is the best defense. Also:

1. Do not bring attention to yourself. Use some stealth techniques.
2. Anticipate the locations of where speed traps are most likely.
3. Remain aware of your surroundings and possible unmarked vehicles. The OPP are using the following stealth vehicles to trap speeders:
- White Crown Victoria with black tinted windows. The long antenna in the back gives it away. Stealth-like in cloudy and foggy days.
- Burgundy or blue Chevy Lumina. The antenna is not as obvious.
- 4-door blue Chevy Blazer (new model).
- 1999 Toyota Camry (unconfirmed).
4. Behaviour of your driving may contribute to an officer's decision of whether or not to stop you.

All in all, others might say, the smartest thing to do to avoid getting a speeding ticket is to don't speed.

I don't drive, I'm the navigator to my father.

My father has a degree in automobile engineering, does some racing, has a crapload of driving experience and reflexes faster than Michael Schumacher. This is not an excuse, just a relevant piece of information.

So, one day, he bought almost new Audi A8 from some oil tycoon. I think it's only a self-imposed policy of the car manufacturers but most cars that are capable of going real fast have some electronic thingamajig implanted that doesn't permit speeds exceeding 250 kph. One needs to get a special edition or good mechanic to go without. Said Audi didn't have this limiting thingy.

At around the same time, a new highway was opened and we happened to go in that general direction. On our way back, the brand new highway was totally empty as people hadn't changed their autopilots in the two days. Around 2 am, my father decided to give it a try. Several minutes later, we got pulled over.

The officer came to the window saying:
"Sir, gasp, you have exceeded the maximum permitted speed by 157 kph. Gasp."
"I'm aware of my transgression, officer," my father responded, "and I request a stern talking as a punishment."

The cops equipped with real fast cars to hunt for people speeding real much are renowned not to be total idiots. The officer also showed quite a bit of sense of humor, so rarely seen in law enforcement. While checking the car papers, he remarked that it's indeed hard to resist trying such an engine a week after getting such a car, and asked my father whether he can have a look under the hood. Father got out, opened the hood and started discussing technical details with the officer. Then they passed to the police car and stared inspecting its engine (It was some special version of Ford Mondeo).
After twenty minutes of friendly chat on engines, gasoline and various technicalities, the officer shrugged, saying that their equipment already recorded a speeding event and that they can't delete it from The System so alas, father needs to be fined. I don't remember what the maximum fines were but it was along the lines of tens of thousands CZK, withholding the license for live and shooting one on the spot. Or some such. Dad got away with paying 500 czk, a minimum fine applied for minor speeding, stern talking to and a friendly handshake.

This incident must not be mentioned in presence of my mother.