"Aye c'mere an give us a wee kiss!"
(Then comes the headbutt, broken nose, and blood flying).

Scottish Soccer Hooligan Weekly was a Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Mike Myers and Mark McKinney. In the sketch, the characters of Andy (Mike Myers) and Iain Daeglish (Mark McKinney) talk about soccer and a variety of other subjects. The two sport bald caps and awful imitation Scottish accents... and of course, beer. The sketch aired sporadically for about a year starting in 1995, and came back in 1997 when Mike Myers made a guest appearance on SNL.

Essentially, it is a mock Scottish sports show. On their "show" Andy and Iain feature such segments as "Stuff I've Found in My Vomit After a Match" and "Top Notch Hooliganism". At one point Andy claimed to have found an entire jar of buttons in his vomit. By the end of each "show" someone would end up getting their lights punched out. Jim Bruer was in the sketch on March 22nd, 1997 and got punched out when the 2 hosts realized he was rooting for Ireland.

"When under siege, hooligans have the unique ability to burrow into police horses via the rectal canal and hide out until the coast is clear. (The immersion in gin is key to overcoming the smell associated with this defensive tactic.)"

The sketch wasn't even limited to soccer, though. When SNL had David Hyde Pierce as a guest on 01/21/95, they did "Tennis Hooligan Weekly", which, needless to say, was quite absurd. Picture a stuck up guy in a sweater vest trying to distract other yuppies playing tennis. Priceless.

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