Someone or something that attacks an otherwise healthy computer and sucks it dry of its life-sustaining RAM. Sometimes an actual program you deliberately ran can act as a rampire, for example, IE, Netscape, M$ Office, and (sad to say) the version of StarOffice that I'm using. Other times it's the little shitlets that run as daemons or startup items or menu bar icons or whatever. Ominously, some rampires are viruses, worms, and trojans. BackOrifice and ILOVEYOU are famous examples. A common characteristic of rampires is that they don't die easy. Killing them merely turns them into zombie processes that continue to gorge themselves on your system's resources from beyond the grave. Rebooting your system may help, but they'll sink their teeth right back in upon startup. Some of the more fanatical users protect their systems with the chop-n-cauterize method: they install the absolute minimum of features, and reformat their drives for good measure about once a month. The rest just keep buying more RAM. Much like the human race has responded to the increasing numbers of vampires living among us by evolving to have 20% more blood. See: high blood pressure. See also: bizzare humor inspired by sleep deprivation, caffeine poisoning, and self neglect.

Beware, rampires sometimes masquerade as regular humans who physcially remove RAM from other computers and put it in their own. Their preferred cover identity is that of tech support people. Sure. Mind if I peek behind that cubicle wall? A-hah! Just as I suspected. A vast pile of PC corpses, sucked completely dry of their components. With an old yet strangely young P166 on his desktop with more memory than any natural god-fearing P166 should have. To the pits of hell with you, demonspawn!

Oh, almost forgot: you can purge the rampires from your system by driving a wooden stake through it. Or driving a crucifix through it. Or driving damn near anything through it. This will almost certainly void the warranty, however.

Ram"pire (?), n.

A rampart.


The Trojans round the place a rampire cast. Dryden.


© Webster 1913.

Ram"pire, v. t.

To fortify with a rampire; to form into a rampire.

[Archaic] Chapman. "Rampired walls of gold."

R. Browning.


© Webster 1913.

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