I found a penny in a snowbank.
I feel like puking
, and it's not the booze
. We are all just fucking animals
. Underneath the thin veneer
of society, thatâ€™s all we are. Just looking at the barkeep
, I feel the bile
crawl up my throat. I could kill
him before he knew what was going on. Just whip the service revolver
up from the holster under my coat and plug
him right in the head. But I won't. I have my humanity
. What a fucked up name for that little voice that says stop
. How can you be a human without it? Somehow, some creature
goes for groceries, pays its rent
and lives within the lines
until it decides to ignore the voice of reason
. You choose to do what he did. That's what makes me sickest of all. I can choose to stop listening too. I can hunt
him down and kill
him for making me see these things. Fucking animals.
It was dirty and scratched.
My shift started with the call
behind the public library, across the street from that church. You were frozen stiff
turns a weird color
. You can tell if it was warm when it fell. Snowcones still make me sick. Somebody did this in a rush
, huh Penny? Tell me who did it. Just crack your lips one last time
and give me a name. Glassy eyed stares are all I ever get. The fist
closes on my heart again. It's too much. I have to become an animal
to catch him Penny. I'm sorry. I'll cry when itâ€™s done.
1 Cent, 1978.
Tell me your story Penny. Did you know the animal
? Did he say sweet things
to you? Did you take candy
from his hairy paw? Did you even understand? How could you? You were a person. You tried to be like him Penny. I see you tried. The blood wasn't all yours. Your nails
are busted all to hell. Your voice killed you Penny. You didn't snuff
him out before he got you. The law of the jungle
was dead to you. Itâ€™s not your fault Penny. I'll do it for you. I'll make him pay
. I'll cage
him up forever and tame
him. I'll beat his animal down
it. Then he'll meet his Big Bad Wolf
I put it in my pocket.
It's not like the movies
dies with that last breath. All thatâ€™s left is meat
. You didn't want to look the way you did. Nobody wanted that
Penny. It just wanted to break
. No music played for you Penny. It didn't rain. The most horrible
thing I have ever seen happened on a sunny spring
day. Itâ€™s all so unfair
Penny. You're going to rot
in the ground and itâ€™s free. Do you think anyone loved
him Penny? Do they know what he is?
It brings me good luck.
I'll get him Penny. I'll make him pay
. I'll show him justice
exists. Man is more than him. I'll teach him the higher truths
, grind his nose
in the mess he made. I'll judge
him for you Penny. I just need one more
to put the fire
back in my belly
. I need to get him Penny. I can't let him go
. To you Penny