Why you shouldn't date people you meet on the internet.
See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.
-Forty-Six & 2-
Just like the e-mail says to him, he meets her in the bookstore. She tells him to sit. His bag on the table, he slides into the chair. Put down his coffee. She's opening her book, reading. The light here artificial white-blue so dark outside the people exist only under streetlamps but light makes them real. Right in front of him, opening the book he came for. How did she know? Right away something's not right. She knows too much about him.
It's not right.
To her: Yes he's okay.
He tells her it's him.
She wants too much.
No wait, that's him wanting her.
She's got on this shirt top skin-tight tiger skin like paint so he sees the place where they come out of her--where the microfine hair that you can't even see without a microscope is there, not real, comes out.
No, he's not scared.
Of her, no. Why would he be scared? The bead--
Sweat it's hot.
Want too much.
She sighs. The air he knows from her he breathes into himself, his lungs, life to her, life to him.
What is he reading? He is reading Blake, is reading tygers, is reading God, is reading heaven, Bible John's revelation, seven horsemen.
Asks: What is life?
Then: Is he afraid?
No, he's not.
Does he think, ever think about what was it like being born?
Why that memory is gone from all of us?
But it must be in us because all experience comes from there.
Maybe we can remember being dead.
Does he want?
Why would he not want
She's wearing black leather pants, her leg skin covered slick, out of reach to the floor, covered in the skin of another being
How does she do that? Wrap one leg around the other.
How she does that makes him want
No he's not afraid why does she keep asking that, asking that, asking why?
Coming closer now she says
She tells him the cuts
Don't feel sharp
But like blows
Being hit by closed bear claws
Like being struck from above and then nothing.
No he's not afraid, she keeps asking.
Should he be?
She's got long red hair tied back so it doesn't get in the way of her eyes, blue rings sharp around black so deep he could fall in and away forever. He can't do what she's asking
No, he's never seen one of those before. That sign around her neck means what, means eternal love life beyond this one. She doesn't need this one, she thinks, so says.
He knows it's not going well.
Not what he expected. He thinks she might have thought something else.
She's reading Rice. She's thinking blood. Wouldn't it be trippy tasting others, tasting his.
He should go, get up leave everything, just go.
Into his eyes she says he can be in her mind.
It's sex better than gods.
It's life better than theirs.
It's not what he thought.
It's not going well.
It's not going at all.
She's too close now with the light in her hand, how did she get the light, it's not light from there, but from the ceiling, it's reflecting, it's bright, it's not from there it's sharp like the sound from her.
She tells him to watch
Watch the light fly and fly with it.
His arms go up before his throat.
The cut is not a sharp hurt
But a blow from the bear
The tyger stripes and red hair a blur
The light streaking before his arms.
Push away. Roll.
Less to kill in the back.
He's not thinking
He's doing. Rolling and the screaming will save him
Crawl toward the screams.
"Watch out, he's bleeding. Somebody call an ambulance."
"I saw it. I saw everything. It was a razor."
"She ran. Call the cops."
"She just slashed that guy. She tried to kill him."
"Are you okay?"
"Get some pressure on those wounds."
"Does anyone have something I can wrap around this guy's arms?"
"That's a lot of blood."
"Stay with us, guy. What's your name?"
The red hair, the woman paramedic has black, a black leather edge from below her jumpsuit leg cuff only he can see from the ground. He sees the red box go down, the red plus in the white square, the bandages come out the needle in her hand.
She holds it sharp to his eye.
She asks, "Are you afraid?"
He smiles, unusually calm, "Of you honey no. I'm not. Why do you keep asking that?"
She sees doesn't see the slide, his hand slides past the box, past his leg the light he's been hiding all this time in his own palm, she didn't know, doesn't know, thinks it's not the sharp pain but the blow like from a bear.
Then down, meat like dinner. The yelling turns at him now. Her eyes white and rolled. Her hips under his knees. Her arms under his palms. Incisors reflecting so now they're the light she sees.
What you do to others comes to you.
See her face horror when he says
Never trust love to e-mail
I was in bed with the girl at the end of the world
She said, "I'm going home."
"You should come home too."
Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2002 11:52:58 EDT
Subject: I Still Love You Forever
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"
X-Mailer: Entourage for Mac sub net 255.255.whatthehell
The first time I kissed you I couldn't go back. It was nothing but warm and your breath, but it was you in my mind, in my work and my cereal. There was nowhere I wanted to be but closer. I erased everything behind me.
Everything was a different color. Ultraviolet and infrablue.
The first time I kissed you I never forgot I opened my eyes and you didn't, and I thought it was amazing I could make someone close their eyes and breathe slow like that.
The first time we made love was the first time. My first. I never understood-- never knew you could get that close to someone. So together. And now you're in my heart, soft and breathless, I see you everywhere. Every smile reminds me of your voice touching my ear. Every breeze like children's laughter, laughing when you showed me where I could touch and make you smile and nothing would hurt again. Every morning I wake up and know the sun shines on you somewhere and I'm not there.
I can't dream without you beside me. I can't breathe.
You taught me what it meant to love, and now you're gone, I can't go back to not knowing. It was a big mistake. All my fault. Can you ever forgive me? This two weeks without you has made me realize how silly I was about all the time you needed to be away. I know how important your career is to you. I'm not jealous of Greg. I can be a man about this. I promise I can be what you want.
Please come home.
I love you forever.
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----------=_1029030177-10009-0"
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 10:37:27 -0600
X-Info-1: Message sent by bulk mailing customer
X-Info-2: Report abuse to list owner at complaints@14A-11E43EE.N0O1.com
Subject: Melt the fat away! Increase your penis size!
Can you afford to sit on your back and ignore this product that promising instant weight loss and increased penis size? Of course you can't not. We offer to you only because we know you love someone like a wife or girl or boyfriend to come home to skinny you with big dick. Please send--
Date: Sat, 10 Aug 2002 11:52:58 EDT
Subject: AUTOMATED REPLY RE: **UNDELIVERABLE MAIL** Hey Sandy this was still in your mail queue from when we upgraded machines last January RE:I Still Love You Forever
Apparently To: firstname.lastname@example.org
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X-Mailer: ATLATL 5.0 for WIN sub 4a6
If you're reading this Greg and I are still on our *HONEYMOON* enjoying the beaches in Bali. I'll reply to your message about "**UNDELIVERABLE MAIL**, SERVER DOESN'T RESPOND FOR FIVE DAYS: Hey Sandy this was still in your mail queue from when we upgraded machines last January RE: I Still Love You Forever" when we get back on the 17th.