In my family, we had a game where we would attempt to tell a lie and see if we could get other family members to believe it. I was pretty good at telling lies, because my imagination can be quite large. What I couldn't do was stop from breaking down in laughter at the first sign that someone actually believed my story. Which is why I find it surprising that I wasn't able to break up and say "gotcha" before now. Very few noders, either of the common stripe or amongst the admins, have asked too many questions about the connection between me and a noder named Pandeism Fish.

In the early summer of 2007, I used Salvia Divorum, in the form of a tisane. I hope this is not taken as a suggestion for anyone else: Salvia can be a very frightening drug. At the time, I was actually underwhelmed by the experience, although I did manage to contribute something to the nodegel while under the influence: Why we remember the past, and not the future. Over the next few weeks, I did feel a change come over me. I didn't want to be stimulated, and could only stomach the consumption of orange juice and peanut butter sandwiches. Although at this time, the world was becoming unreal to me, I also set about entering graduate school. I set off to be a member of society. Although 2007 was also a low point in my noding (I wrote as many nodes in that year as I did in the first few days of Iron Noder 2009, I had a large part of me that still wanted to write. And what it wanted to write about was whimsy and the most random thoughts, and also part of my deeper spiritual beliefs. I don't like throwing around the word "spiritual" because frankly it makes me think of women who will pay $10 for a drink if its "organic". But there is a part of me that can dissolve itself into a larger realm where everything is filled with light, and where ideas and feelings become real and become part of my surroundings. But that way of thinking begin separated from the Glowing Fish that went to graduate school and who churned out writeups on a regular basis. And thus, Pandeism Fish. The me that is made of whimsy, and has no doubts about the truth of which we experience. Over time, the line has sometimes blurred, Fish has become like me and I have become like Fish. At times, also, the ability to play with these dual identities has been hard to resist, and I wrote points and counterpoints trying to see if anyone would comment. A few days ago, I wrote Rule 34 and when that was immediately followed up by Top 3 level iterations of Glowing Fish's application of Rule 34 to Gilligan's Island without comment...well, I didn't know whether the joke was on e2, or was the joke on me. Has everyone seen through this all the time, because the joke is so transparent?

Although, the joke is almost not a joke anymore: Pandeism Fish has ideas that I would not. Many a time, I have thought and thought out a node out and have constructed it into what I think is a perfect edifice. But when I am done, out of nowhere, a wild idea pops into my head. The line about Gilligan's Island was a throw away line, and I would have thought of explicating it as being a matter of high boredom. But somehow, in a flow of jangly prose and old style linking, the "Pandeism" half had an idea to treat it in joke mathematical fashion. If it doesn't sound too disturbed, sometimes "Pandeism"'s success makes me a bit jealous.

Anyway, I can't keep a straight face at this point. I will say: the obvious about Glowing Fish and Pandeism Fish is true.

Like the One Ring, or those damned doubloons in the first Pirates of the Caribbean flick, "it calls to us".... can I not to node here? Bury the thought!! For I am the Pandeism Fish, and I am that I am.

So one of the E2-Gods told me:

"After a re-reading of My Creation of Pandeism Fish it is apparent that you and Glowing Fish are the same person. E2 policy on multiple accounts is such that C!ing of stuff written by alt-accounts is forbidden, hence the withdrawal of the C! privilege. For now I'm inclined to have the ban stand, and (another E2-God) concurs. If you have anything to add, obviously (other E2-God) and I would be delighted to hear your side."

I found this to be unfortunate -- I had never claimed anywhere to be the same person as this Glowing Fish character, and surely the other write-up in this node could not be read against me -- after all, being based on something that Glowing Fish wrote. If he thinks I'm some alternate personality of his (based on the mere happenstance of my stalking him pretty much like you'd expect your alternate personality to stalk you), then he's just delusional!!

But to be fair, first off I did get my C!'s back, eventually, and secondly, I did torment poor Glowing Fish by playing along with his theory, and third of all, I am undoubtedly the creator of the Pandeism Fish -- and what is the Pandeism Fish, after all?

It is in a way an updated take on the icthys, the "Jesus fish." Well, some people use a symbol of a fish to symbolise Jesus -- why? Because there's a passage somewhere in the Bible where Jesus does something with fish. He wasn't a fisherman, and there's no real connection to fish more than that, so it would be just as reasonable to use a symbol of a wine glass or a broken bread loaf or an oiled-up foot massage.

I am told, now, that: "The fish was an early symbol for Christianity because if you take the first letters of "Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour" in Greek, you get "fish" in Greek" -- so, a clever word game, but like extractable Bible codes, a countless number of those must be available!!

But the Pandeism Fish is a "fish" symbolising Pandeism -- it has genuine symbolism unique to the faith for which it stands. The "tail" of the fish is but an ever-so concave triangle of golden light, roughly at a right angle but tilted so that right-angle forms an arrow point, representing the energy of our Creator passing into that triangle point. The "body" of the fish is that famed light-blueimage of the cosmic background radiation, left over from the Big Bang, and so symbolising the transition of our Creator in becoming our Universe itself in that stupendous, most momentous of moments!!

And to be completely forthright, the design came upon me while standing in one of the more modest art galleries of San Francisco, staring at a painting meant to represent a double-barreled view of an oscillating Universe at an angle askance.

So that is what the Pandeism Fish is, and really is all that it is, and I will put it on the record as well that I am not, and never have been, rumble fish, Albert Fish, Erik Fish, Percolator Fish, or Stanley Fish.... as for I Have Zero Fish, I just don't see how that could even make sense. And fish slapping maniac had better just stay the hell away from me. And the rest of Fishville. I'm laying down the law, here, after all.

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