Come fly the friendly skies...
To put it quite simply, being in the Mile High Club refers to two people who have had sexual intercourse in an airplane which was at an altitude of at least 5280 feet (i.e., 1 mile). Any veteran pilot will inform you that you need to be flying the plane to become a member of this "club", but common use of the term includes anyone who has done the deed. As Freud pointed out, flight or flying is symbolic of sexual acts - with the added potential for danger, and the excitement of travel, it's no wonder many feel that urge while on a plane.
Being somewhat of a public place, it is not an easy task to initiate yourself to this club in one of the planes of your typical commercial airline. For this reason, the couple typically crams themselves into the airplane's tiny lavatory (hey, the sign says "No smoking", nothing more). Because of the small size of this room, you've got to be imaginative with your position to make sure insertion is possible. This usually means both people standing, using the rear-entry position, or with the man sitting down, and the female on top, but hey, be creative! There are stories of people completing the act right in their seats with the skirted woman simply moving over onto her partner's lap, but most of these are probably just made up for pornography magazines.
Tips on Becuming a Member
You and your partner could just swallow your pride, march right back to the bathroom together, and go at it, but that's a little much to ask of most people. For the common wo/man who wants uncommon sex, here are some guidelines:
- Book a red eye flight to an uncommon destination - Late night or early morning flights are usually less crowded.
- Get seats in the back of the plane - Since the bathrooms are usually located near the rear of the plane, this will make it easier for the two of you to sneak in un-noticed.
- Wait for the movie to start - If your flight has a movie, wait for it to start, before starring in your own action film.
- Know what you're doing - Have at least a position in mind. It's hard enough to move around in there by yourself - add another person to the mix and it can get pretty tight.
- Go one at a time (see above) - Whoever is going to be closest to the floor and nearest the back wall should go in first. A minute or two later, the other can follow.
- Don't go for a world record - Get in, get the job done, and get out.
- Enjoy the turbulence!
Cheating Your Way To Membership
Many small companies have sprung up from the idea of the Mile High Club. Basically, you can pay a fee, and a pilot will take you up in a small plane. You and your significant other perform your aerial acrobatics in the timeframe you paid for, and the pilot doesn't ask any questions (though he might take a peek - beware of airplanes with rear-view mirrors).
The honor of being the first Mile High Club members go to the famous daredevil aviator, Lawrence Sperry, and his partner Mrs. Waldo Polk. In 1916, Sperry began giving "flying lessons" to Mrs. Polk, whose husband was off fighting in World War I. The two of them were in a Curtiss Flying Boat above Babylon, New York apparently engaging in some high altitude carnal pleasure through the help of Sperry's new invention, the autopilot. (Yes, while probably not his primary reason for inventing it, this gadget certainly helped with his second favorite past-time while in the air.) Unfortunately, something went wrong with the controls, and the plane dropped into the Great South Bay. Two duck hunters made their way to the wreck to find the couple both alive and naked. Apparently, Sperry later announced that the crash had "divested" them of their clothing. Many local papers glossed over this fact, but at least one carried the headline, "AERIAL PETTING - ENDS IN WETTING".
...We hope you enjoyed your flight.
DISCLAIMER: After becoming a member of this club, you will no longer be allowed to say that you don't give a flying fuck.