Johnny Bravo was the short-lived
Rock God persona of
The Brady Bunch's
Greg Brady. In a fifth season episode called "Adios, Johnny Bravo", the
irrepressible Brady kids, emboldened by their third place win in the
Pete Sterne Amateur Hour, try out their musical act for another such
amateur musical competition. Holy fuck can you believe they lose this one too? But in the audience, watching intently Greg Brady and his uniquely dimensioned
torso, is musical agent Tami Cutler.
Cutler wants to sign Greg. Greg at first assumes she wants to sign the entire bunch. But no, she just wants Greg. She keeps mysterious, subtly trying to measure the width of his shoulders and the circumference of his chest. He's to be the new
teen singing sensation "Johnny Bravo" and would he mind too much not only cutting his siblings (half of whom aren't even blood relations) out of fame and fortune but would he mind terribly wearing this totally faggy
matador jacket? Just put on the suit. Come on. Just put it on.
Greg manages to over come several moral dilemmas, including cutting his siblings (half of whom aren't even blood relations) out of fame and fortune, being a
corporate rock whore, and worst of all not attending
college.
The one ethical dilemma Greg can't over come, however, is he notices none of his singing is actually used on the final product. He's on the album cover, in that totally faggy
matador jacket, but his voice has been dubbed by someone who sounds a lot like the guy who dubbed over
Mel Gibson in the American release of
Mad Max.
What the fuck?
Greg does a little digging and discovers Tami Cutler did not want him because of his actual singing talent. As it turns out,
he fit the suit. Greg was the only one who could fit into Johnny Bravo's expensive, faggy matador jacket. If she wanted someone in a smart looking Spanish jacket, could not the bitch have waited for
Bo Derek's singing career to have taken flight? Did she have to divide House Brady? The music industry is nothing but a heartless all consuming
maw that eats up earnest, eager nineteen-year olds and then spits out their
marrow-free bones. It's yet another argument why
MP3 trading is ethical.
Greg gives Tami the kiss off saying "Adios, Johnny Bravo."
If any lessons were learned from
Sean Connery beyond you should never go on TV and claim women sometimes need to be hit, you should simply
never say never.
Barry Williams, the actor who portrayed Greg Brady, reprised his role as Johnny Bravo some thirty years later. In time with the 30th anniversary of
The Brady Bunch, in the fall of 1999 Williams released a
Golden Throats-esque CD called "The Return of Johnny Bravo". The CD featured twelve songs. Most were covers you always dreamed of getting the Johnny Bravo treatment like
Huey Lewis's "
Hip to Be Square" and
Queen's "
We are the Champions". But for those clamoring for the
consummate Barry Williams as the consummate Johnny Bravo, the CD tossed Bravo fans an original tune called "Johnny's Back".
The phrase and concept behind "
he fit the suit" entered the popular
lexicon to explain why some people are in jobs despite a lack of talent or qualifications. "Why did Bill get promoted to
Product Manager? He can't manage dick." "He fit the suit, I guess."
Another line from "Adios, Johnny Bravo" was inspiration for
John Lydon's Sex Pistol stage name of
Johnny Rotten. Greg, waxing philosophically about the fleeting and sometimes unreal nature of fame, states:
I thought I could change my name and my personality and become some big flashy rock star, but I was just kidding myself. Let's face it, Johnny Bravo's nothing but Johnny Rotten.
Cool beans, hey?