I say I love my family, come on, who doesn't. It feels like it doesn't matter now though. He said he loved ...well, the number including humans and animals could be counted in decimal on one hand. I say decimal because he didn't do it that way. No, he said he used binary because a finger was a finger, and besides, it was more efficient.

A finger might be a finger, but is a person a person? Whether or not my late brother in law was even human came up a few times among some. I can remember how he used to think like a computer, everything he did perfectly followed logic and was completely devoid of emotion. Oh yes, I remember too when he was semi-normal you might say. After that, his logic was slowly but surely replaced with emotion as bit by bit his memory disappeared. Memory is a cruel mistress, but I don't think he wanted the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind. Thinking about it, I don't think I could bear to lose all recollection of my loved ones. His memory was photographs, thousands upon thousands of photographs the way he saw the world. His memory was sketches, hundreds and hundreds of collections of pencil lines representing that which he saw. His memory was words, paragraphs turn into pages describing in minute detail everything encountered in the greater part of his life. In a way, the memory he leaves behind is almost encyclopedic as it were, for it is his own.

I thought I knew Scout, dozens did, maybe hundreds. (At least I know he hated it when people put a zero in his name.) Just like dozens of others, his death came as a shock to me. Only now do I realise that he was fully anticipating it, and had been for a long time. I never knew what a noder was or why he called himself one, now I'm reading through his nodes and realising I'd no idea what my brother in law was. Did I mention what else he left behind? After years of work, he created an artificial intelligence system so sophisticated it entirely replaced him at his death without being noticed by anyone for a week, then anyone after that for several weeks. It fooled me, fooled everyone. I feel ashamed to admit this, at the same time I feel proud of Scout.

It would be cruel to say I won't miss Scout, but it would be a lie to say I will. He has in effect not gone anywhere. On the other hand, he has been gone for such a long time already everyone has just adjusted to it. Scout couldn't have died from electrocution, from falling off the side of a building, from blowing himself to smitherines. No, all of them would be too ironic. He requested the cause of death remain classified. I don't know any of you people at E2 other than from what my brother in law wrote, but I know you meant something to him, every one of you.

I was never much of a writer or speaker. I don't know what else to say, Scout was such a strange one I rarely did know.


-Scarlet

A new year, and I am still alive.

That first sentence makes me immeasurably happy. Like others who write here, I have had difficult times during my life. During some of those, I believe there was the very real danger that life might not continue. But here I am, still breathing, still able to hold my daughter, still able to kiss my wife, and I consider myself so, so lucky.

I am not in the practice of writing day logs. My preference has always been for fact nodes, with a sprinkling of noding about noding thrown in from time to time. The last time that I wrote a day log that I remember, the Twin Towers had just been destroyed. And even that is no longer around, having been purged with the rest of my writings a few years ago. I hope to change that in this new year.

Since this past summer, I have slowly tried to renew my participation with e2. The chief roadblock that I have faced is the situation with my arms, but after a couple of false starts I believe that I have a set up in my office at home that will allow me to participate with at least some regularity again. It has been great being back.

The first day of this year I spent watching my daughter play in the living room, and resting with my wife from being up until midnight last night. We are morning people, and staying up late wipes us out. But I did get a lot of reading done.

I have posted on my home node my New Year's Resolutions for everything2. I've already started working towards some of those. I look forward to the coming year.

I hope that each of you continues to be as patient as you have been with my limitations. And remember, I have a significant pile of empty postcards just waiting to be used. Just message me if you would like one!

Currently reading: Adrift: Seventy-six Days Lost at Sea by Steven Callahan.

Happy New Year Everyone!

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