I once held a gun in my hands intent on killing myself. It seemed a reasonable thing to do. Sadly, It was an option. I sat with the gun. A small calibre pistol. It was my salvation. My out.

I was a nervous wreck. I failed life. I failed myself. I failed everyone else. I cried such tears that I don't wish to remember. For some reason, I now remember and wish to write about it, here in the confines of this node.

It was a wrong choice. I stopped. Luckily I stopped. It was luck. Dropping the gun, changing my mind, an interrupting thought.

Such a dumb idea. Now I am happy. Now I cry tears for being here not for wanting to have ever existed.

Where was that pointers for identifying suicidal behavior node?

Oh yeah, I have to say that it was really fucking stupid.

I sat there, the explosives all around me, waiting for them to explode. I was stuck deep in the mire of depression, just sitting around waiting to be carted off and dumped unceremoniously into death.

All the others who saw the explosives started to run away. Fools. They thought their lives meant something and sought to preserve the worthless. I knew better. My knowledge would not help me, but it was knowledge nonetheless. Knowledge is power, they say, but that is the cry of those with knowledge but no power.

I sat there, the explosives all around me, clutching the detonator as if something more important than just my life depended on it. I was ready to press the little button, the little black button on the little black box in my hand, and was getting quite disappointed that nobody was trying to talk me down, and suddenly heard the theme to The Abyss playing at full blast over a rather nice sound system.

Suddenly I realised that there is something in this world to live for. Whether it's listening to the music from 2001: A Space Odyssey, or discovering the meaning of life, or just noding endlessly, there is something to do with your life that is better than destroying it.

I suddenly jumped up, eager and ready to let life show me its best parts, and dropped the detonator on the floor.

There was a loud noise, similar to a large amount of explosives detonating.

It was the quarry down the road.

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