I once held a gun in my hands intent on killing myself. It seemed a reasonable thing to do. Sadly, It was an option. I sat with the gun. A small calibre pistol. It was my salvation. My out.

I was a nervous wreck. I failed life. I failed myself. I failed everyone else. I cried such tears that I don't wish to remember. For some reason, I now remember and wish to write about it, here in the confines of this node.

It was a wrong choice. I stopped. Luckily I stopped. It was luck. Dropping the gun, changing my mind, an interrupting thought.

Such a dumb idea. Now I am happy. Now I cry tears for being here not for wanting to have ever existed.

Where was that pointers for identifying suicidal behavior node?

Oh yeah, I have to say that it was really fucking stupid.