How to sleep with 0 women in four simple steps
At times, it's possible that you're just too caught up in the hectic life of a swinger. Party all night, sex all day. It's quite possible that you just want some time for yourself, without the hassle of sleeping with various women. It's okay, it happens to us all. The desire to sleep with nobody is nothing to be ashamed of; and in fact, the process of doing so is probably much simpler than you realize. In just a few steps, you can go from sleeping with hundreds of women to sleeping with a much more managable, much more headache-less, much more STD-resistant number of zero. This guide is intended for the promiscuous heterosexual gentleman, but can be applicable to all persons of all orientations, by subsitituing the appropriate pronouns.
- Never leave your room. The more people see you, the greater the chances are that a fraction of them will want to have sex with you. If you encounter zero women, then the fraction of them who want to have sex with you will remain zero.
- Avoid answering your door. If you never actually leave your room, the most common way of somebody to physically come in contact you is if they're in your doorway. You'll want to avoid answering anybody who comes by -- all deliveries can be instructed to leave the package (which would include such vitals as groceries and toiletries) outside the door, for later pickup when you're certain nobody is around.
- Avoid all forms of communication. Contrary to popular belief, women DO use telephones and the Internet. And chances are, they'll want to communicate with you if you use either of these medium. It's best to keep anything that can integrate you into a social environment disconnected.
- Repeat steps 1-3 for the entire duration you wish to not sleep with women. Failing any of the above steps immediately puts you at risk for sexual contact with women.
Not bathing will cause all women to be repulsed by you:
NOT TRUE. For every possible condition and every possible outcome, there's a fetish associated with it. Some just haven't been discovered yet, others are just so taboo that nobody speaks of them. There ARE women out there who would prefer that their men never bathe.
Being a complete asshole will not attract any women:
NOT TRUE. Scientists have discovered the "asshole" gene, it's related pheronome: assholmeyneum, and the receptor genes in the opposite sex. Being an asshole triggers a release of this pheronome, and women who are sensitive to the reception of this pheronome will be attracted to you, making your efforts of pushing them away like an asshole completely moot.
By following the above steps, and taking note to the associated mythos, you can be certain that you'll sleep with zero women! So stay in! Do nothing! And watch in joy as the number of women you sleep with trickles down to your desired amount of zero.